the maiden with the
hues of life and the living voice was to become a form of inanimate
marble. I was very strict with her, but the more I made her feel my
pedagogue's severity, the more gentle and submissive she grew.

"If a generous feeling strengthened me in my reserve and self-restraint,
prudent considerations were not lacking beside. Integrity of purpose
cannot, I think, fail to accompany integrity in money matters. To my
mind, to become insolvent or to betray a woman is the same sort of
thing. If you love a young girl, or allow yourself to be beloved by
her, a contract is implied, and its conditions should be thoroughly
understood. We are free to break with the woman who sells herself, but
not with the young girl who has given herself to us and does not know
the extent of her sacrifice. I must have married Pauline, and that would
have been madness. Would it not have given over that sweet girlish heart
to terrible misfortunes? My poverty made its selfish voice heard, and
set an iron barrier between that gentle nature and mine. Besides, I
am ashamed to say, that I cannot imagine love in the midst of poverty.
Perhaps this is a vitiation due to that malady of mankind called
civilization; but a woman in squalid poverty would exert no fascination
over me, were she attractive as Homer's Galatea, the fair Helen.

"Ah, _vive l'amour_! But let it be in silk and cashmere, surrounded with
the luxury which so marvelously embellishes it; for is it not perhaps
itself a luxury? I enjoy making havoc with an elaborate erection of
scented hair; I like to crush flowers, to disarrange and crease a smart
toilette at will. A bizarre attraction lies for me in burning eyes that
blaze through a lace veil, like flame through cannon smoke. My way of
love would be to mount by a silken ladder, in the silence of a winter
night. And what bliss to reach, all powdered with snow, a perfumed
room, with hangings of painted silk, to find a woman there, who likewise
shakes away the snow from her; for what other name can be found for the
white muslin wrappings that vaguely define her, like some angel form
issuing from a cloud! And then I wish for furtive joys, for the security
of audacity. I want to see once more that woman of mystery, but let it
be in the throng, dazzling, unapproachable, adored on all sides, dressed
in laces and ablaze with diamonds, laying her commands upon every one;
so exalted above us, that she inspires awe, and none dares to pay