From this the lawyer goes on to communicate to the client, as a great
secret, the whole of his (the client's) history from his cradle upward,
and also the history of his nearer relatives, and in less than half an
hour from the old man's entrance, or say forty minutes at the outside,
the client almost knows what the business is about.

On the other occasion, when the client has lost his fortune, the
stage lawyer is even still happier. He comes down himself to tell the
misfortune (he would not miss the job for worlds), and he takes care to
choose the most unpropitious moment possible for breaking the news. On
the eldest daughter's birthday, when there is a big party on, is his
favorite time. He comes in about midnight and tells them just as they
are going down to supper.

He has no idea of business hours, has the stage lawyer--to make the
thing as unpleasant as possible seems to be his only anxiety.

If he cannot work it for a birthday, then he waits till there's a
wedding on, and gets up early in the morning on purpose to run down and
spoil the show. To enter among a crowd of happy, joyous fellow-creatures
and leave them utterly crushed and miserable is the stage lawyer's
hobby.

The stage lawyer is a very talkative gentleman. He regards the telling
of his client's most private affairs to every stranger that he meets
as part of his professional duties. A good gossip with a few chance
acquaintances about the family secrets of his employers is food and
drink for the stage lawyer.

They all go about telling their own and their friends' secrets to
perfect strangers on the stage. Whenever two people have five minutes to
spare on the stage they tell each other the story of their lives. "Sit
down and I will tell you the story of my life" is the stage equivalent
for the "Come and have a drink" of the outside world.

The good stage lawyer has generally nursed the heroine on his knee when
a baby (when she was a baby, we mean)--when she was only so high. It
seems to have been a part of his professional duties. The good stage
lawyer also kisses all the pretty girls in the play and is expected
to chuck the housemaid under the chin. It is good to be a good stage
lawyer.

The good stage lawyer also wipes away a tear when sad things happen; and
he turns away to do this and blows his nose, and says he thinks he has
a fly in his eye. This touching trait in his character is always held in
great esteem by the audience and is much