do I hear at any time, or anywhere, anyone speak
of their love for God. I must listen to all their loves, but if I should
venture to speak of mine they would look at me amazed; indeed, I
never should dare to do it. And this is perhaps the greatest weakness
that I have to fight against now, and one that spoils the harmony of
the mind more than any other--that I cannot always control myself
from secret though unspoken irritation, impatience, and criticisms;
and to criticise is to judge, and in this there is wrong, and the
smallest breeze of wrong is enough to blow to--even to close--the
door into that other lovely world. And not only this, but every such
failure is a disappointment to the Beloved. Many times I say to Him,
"What canst Thou do with us all, Beloved--such a mass of selfish,
foolish, blundering, sinful creatures, all hanging and pulling on to
Thee at the same moment?" And I will be filled with a passionate
desire to so progress that I may stand a little alone and not be a
perpetual drag upon Him, and, feeling strong, perhaps I will say: "I
will give up my share of Thee to someone else, and not draw upon
Thee for a little while, my Beloved Lord." But oh, in less than an
hour, if He should take me at my word! I could cry and moan like a
small child, in my horrible emptiness and longing for Him. And
where now is my strength?--I have not an ounce of it without Him!
By this I learn in my own person how He is life itself to us, in all
ways. He is the air, the bread, and the blood of the soul, and no one
can live without at every moment drawing upon Him, though they
do it insensibly. What a weight to carry, what a burden, this whole
hungry clamouring mass of disobedient men and women! Oh, my
Beloved, how frequently I weep for all Thy bitter disappointment--never
ending!

But this we may be sure of--that all the marvels of His grace are not
poured out on some poor scrappit for no other reason than to give
him pleasure. There is a vast purpose behind it all, and by keenest
attention we must pick up this purpose, understand it, _and do it._
This is the true work of man, to love God with all the heart and mind
and soul and strength, and not those material works with which we
all so easily satisfy ourselves and our consciences, and our _bodily_
needs.

He has marvellous ways (and very difficult to the beginner) of
conveying His wishes. To my finding, the inward life of us is like a
perpetual interchange of conversation