nd of mine has--a new science, I may
say."

"Pray what may that be?"

"They call it fumography."

"Fumography! never heard of it."

"It is the art of knowing precisely, by examination of the smoke which
comes out of the chimney, what your neighbour has for dinner."

"Upon my soul, if one could send an excuse at a late hour, that might be
useful."

"My friend is quite an adept. He can tell first and second course
_entremets_, and even if the different articles to be put on the table
are done to a turn, or not."

"Now, Mr Simple, what do you think of that?" inquired the captain.

"I think, sir, that it's all smoke."

"Bravo, Mr Simple! you've said a very good thing."

So I thought, too; but, as I wasn't quite sure, I would not laugh till
all the rest of the company did.

As Mr Phillott wished to hear the end of the captain's story, he would
not contradict him about the wine, by stating what he knew to be the
case, that the captain had sent it on board at Barbadoes; and the
captain proceeded.

"Well, I gave up my cabin to the old lady, and hung up my cot in the
gun-room during the passage home. We were becalmed abreast of Ceuta for
two days. The old lady was very particular about her pug-dog, and I
superintended the washing of the little brute twice a week but at last I
was tired of it, and gave him to my coxswain to bathe. My coxswain, who
was a lazy fellow, without my knowledge, used to put the little beast
into the bight of a rope, and tow him overboard for a minute or so. It
was during this calm that he had him overboard in this way, when a
confounded shark rose from under the counter, and took in the pug-dog at
one mouthful. The coxswain reported the loss as a thing of no
consequence; but I knew better, and put the fellow in irons. I then
went down and broke the melancholy fact to Miss Kearney, stating that I
had put the man in irons, and would flog him well. The old lady broke
out into a most violent passion at the intelligence, declared that it
was my fault, that I was jealous of the dog, and had done it on purpose.
The more I protested, the more she raved; and at last I was obliged to
go off deck to avoid her abuse and keep my temper--I had not been on
deck five minutes before she came up--that is, was shoved up, for she
was so heavy that she could not get up without assistance. You know how
elephants in India push the cannon through a morass with their heads
from behind; well, my steward u