hey sagged down the hill, the major in a pained silence, the general
describing, with sweeping gestures, the positions of the various troops
among the surrounding hills at the beginning of the battle of Aiken.

"In those days," he went on, "I was second lieutenant in the gallant
Twenty-ninth; but it often happens that a young man has an old head on
his shoulders, and as one after the other of my superior
officers--superior in rank--bit the dust---- That ball is badly cupped.
You will hardly get it away with a brassy; if I were you I should play
my niblick. Well out, sir! A fine recovery! On this very spot I saw a
bomb burst. The air was filled with arms and legs. It seemed as if they
would never come down. I shall play my brassy spoon, Purnell, the one
with the yellow head. I see you don't carry a spoon. Most invaluable
club. There are days when I can do anything with a spoon. I used to own
one of which I often said that it could do anything but talk."

Major Jennings shuddered as if he were very cold; while General Bullwigg
swung his spoon and made another fine shot. He had a perfect four for
the first hole, to Major Jennings's imperfect and doddering seven.

"The enemy," said General Bullwigg, "had a breastwork of pine logs all
along this line. I remember the general said to me: 'Bullwigg,' he said,
'to get them out of that timber is like getting rats out of the walls of
a house.' And I said: 'General----'"

"It's your honor," the major interrupted mildly.

But General Bullwigg would not drive until he had brought his anecdote
to a self-laudatory end. And his ball was not half through its course
before he had begun another. The major, compelled to listen, again
foozled, and a dull red began to mantle his whole face. And in his
peaceful and affable heart there waxed a sullen, feverish rage against
his companion.

The battle of Aiken was on.

Sing, O chaste and reluctant Muse, the battle of Aiken! Only don't sing
it! State it, as is the fashion of our glorious times, in humble and
perishable prose. Fling grammar of which nothing is now known to the
demnition bow-wows, and state how in the beginning General Bullwigg had
an advantage of many strokes, not wasted, over his self-effacing
companion. State how, because of the general's incessant chatter, the
gentle and gallant major foozled shot after shot; how once his ball hid
in a jasmine bower, once behind the stem of a tree, and once in a sort
of cavern over which