My lover wanted to marry me and carry me away out of the danger; but
that I would not hear of. It was enough that to please him I must shut
myself away in a selfish isolation. If I had been a free woman I would
have insisted on going, as my godmother had gone, while yet the help was
wanted. During those weeks I was cut off from the comfort of her
presence, for even when she was no longer needed she was in quarantine
lest she should have taken the infection.

I will say that the Dawsons gave generously of their money for the aid
of the people.

When we knew first of the outbreak and heard that Mary Champion was in
the thick of it, my lover was moody and silent for a while even when he
was with me.

I remember once that he kicked at a coal which had fallen from the fire
and lay on the hearth, and he frowned heavily.

"I ought to have been there, Bawn," he said, "and it isn't that I was
afraid. Good Lord! I should think not. You would like me just as well
with my beauty spoilt in such a cause. But it is that you make a coward
of me, little girl. When I think that anything might happen now to
prevent our marriage it makes me sweat with fear. Else I would have
risked my life over and over again, and not have cared two straws about
it."

"I know you are brave," I said, at which he looked pleased and said that
it was the first kind word I had given him.

In these days he did not force his caresses upon me as much as he did at
first, but used to call me his little nun, and say in his usual
boastful way that he would make me in time eager for that from which I
turned away now. Every day as our marriage came nearer I dreaded it
more, and felt as if I must run away to the ends of the earth rather
than endure it; but when I looked at my grandfather's face I knew there
was no help for me.

The marriage was fixed for the 20th of December, and I could see that he
was nearly as impatient for it as my bridegroom. I could see that on
this side of my wedding-day there lay for him the chance that the
disgrace might come at any moment. On the other side was peace and
safety.

The fear of the secret the Dawsons held possessed him so much that he
had no thought for me, as he had had none for Theobald while he still
believed that there was some sort of engagement between Theobald and me.

I confessed I had dreaded what Theobald would think of my marriage, not
knowing the reason of it. But my anxieties on that score were set at
rest