candidates, with their parents in holiday costume, rowing,
in the bright autumn day, across the bay, and landing, some at our
pier, others at the parsonage landing-place.

An impression of solemnity suddenly filled me with despair; I thought of
how all these people would come into God's kingdom as easily as they
were now rowing into the sunny bay this quiet Sunday morning, while I
alone stood without hope of salvation. I saw all at once that in my sad,
spiritually dark home, I had always, from childhood upwards, really had
a feeling in my inmost heart that happiness and blessedness were not
meant for me, and that all the happiness and joy I hitherto had was
really only borrowed sunshine from the parsonage. And with the sin I was
carrying, I could only have Susanna as a loan until I died, when we
should have to part, and I must go back to the evil powers of
unhappiness, which, from my earliest hour here at home, had taken
possession of me.

I leant against the wall and cried.

As I was about to continue my dressing, and turned to the glass, it was
without terror, even with a certain tranquillity, that my gaze fell on
the old vision of my childhood, the lady with the rose whom I saw
standing behind me in the open chamber-door, pale and sorrowful, looking
at me, until she suddenly vanished.

The church bells were ringing and the people were streaming towards the
church. To-day Anne Kvaen and all the house servants were also among the
churchgoers. Father went with me, and bowed respectfully to the minister
when they met at the entrance.

The order in which we confirmation candidates were to stand in church
had been decided the Monday before. I was to stand first on the boys'
side, Susanna first on the girls' side.

One hymn had already been sung before Susanna came with her mother,
dressed like a grown-up lady in a black silk dress, with gauze on her
neck and arms, and a locket on her breast. She remained sitting by her
mother in the parsonage pew until the affecting sermon was over.

I must have looked very ill and exhausted; for as the minister began the
catechising at me, he stopped in the middle of a question with a look as
if asking what was the matter with me. I answered his question
correctly, and with a nod he went across to Susanna, who stood there
with folded hands, looking down, tearful and rather pale with excitement
before her question came. While her father put it, she looked up at him
with her sweet