as to fill her grandmother's bed with "ouliaries" (Good
God! berries, so called because on sudden contact with bare flesh they
burst with a loud explosion causing the victim to shout "Good God!" from
sheer surprise). For three months this winsome game went undetected
until one day her mother--Kia-oopoo--discovered her creeping in at her
grandmother's door with a basket full of "ouliaries." Catching her
daughter by the scruff of the neck she proceeded to administer several
sharp slaps with great precision--the while murmuring "Ah! Ah!" in tones
of rebuke. And thus, we are informed, was originated a name that was
destined to be handed down to every reigning queen of the Rude Islands
until the devastating tidal wave of 1889.

Ah! Ah!'s childhood was spent running completely wild with her three
sisters "Beaoui" (meaning "Heavens Above"), "Sua-sua" (meaning "Shut
your Face") and young "Goop" (meaning in American "Park your Fanny" and
in English, "Sit Down").

Through the long languid sunny hours they would romp in the "lovieeah"
(long grass), or play "uou" (toss the cocoa-nut) in the "haeeiuol"
(short grass). On moonlight nights when the tide was high they would
fish from the reef--catching generally either "youis" (the Pacific
haddock) or merely the common "choop" (or dab). Life was one long round
of sport and play--until one day--to quote Hans Burdle in his
world-famed book of Travel, "Set Sail ahoy" "the radiant Ah! Ah! awoke
and found herself to be a woman--with a woman's joys, a woman's sorrows
and withal the touch of a woman's hand."

From that moment life in the Rude Islands became a different matter. No
more was she to paddle in the "ku-ku" (small stream or rivulet) or chase
the playful "erieuah" (or hooped snake, which when pursued by its
enemies executes the most peculiar antics eventually disappearing amid a
cloud of smoke). The responsibilities of a greater existence were
suddenly thrust upon her--she was crowned queen.

The story of the unexpected arrival of a Presbyterian missionery in the
midst of her coronation feast is too well known to repeat--and the tale
of the landing of eight Bhuddist monks during the christening of her
first child is now so hackneyed as to be irritating; therefore we will
skip the minor incidents of the early part of her reign and mention a
few of the progressive improvements on existing conditions which found
their source in her tireless and fertile brain.

To begin with she abol