one's head is so full of dreams that
it doesn't seem to matter what one does. And if you're ambitious, you're
all right; you've got a reason for going on. Now my reasons ceased to
satisfy me. Perhaps I never had any. That's very likely now I come to
think of it. (What reason is there for anything, though?) Still, it's
impossible, after a certain age, to take oneself in satisfactorily. And
I know what carried me on"--for a good reason now occurred to him--"I
wanted to be the savior of my family and all that kind of thing. I
wanted them to get on in the world. That was a lie, of course--a kind of
self-glorification, too. Like most people, I suppose, I've lived almost
entirely among delusions, and now I'm at the awkward stage of finding it
out. I want another delusion to go on with. That's what my unhappiness
amounts to, Mary."

There were two reasons that kept Mary very silent during this speech,
and drew curiously straight lines upon her face. In the first place,
Ralph made no mention of marriage; in the second, he was not speaking
the truth.

"I don't think it will be difficult to find a cottage," she said, with
cheerful hardness, ignoring the whole of this statement. "You've got
a little money, haven't you? Yes," she concluded, "I don't see why it
shouldn't be a very good plan."

They crossed the field in complete silence. Ralph was surprised by her
remark and a little hurt, and yet, on the whole, rather pleased. He
had convinced himself that it was impossible to lay his case truthfully
before Mary, and, secretly, he was relieved to find that he had not
parted with his dream to her. She was, as he had always found her, the
sensible, loyal friend, the woman he trusted; whose sympathy he
could count upon, provided he kept within certain limits. He was not
displeased to find that those limits were very clearly marked. When they
had crossed the next hedge she said to him:

"Yes, Ralph, it's time you made a break. I've come to the same
conclusion myself. Only it won't be a country cottage in my case; it'll
be America. America!" she cried. "That's the place for me! They'll teach
me something about organizing a movement there, and I'll come back and
show you how to do it."

If she meant consciously or unconsciously to belittle the seclusion
and security of a country cottage, she did not succeed; for Ralph's
determination was genuine. But she made him visualize her in her own
character, so that he looked quickly at her,