mself dry
and sad. But when he thought of journeying to Jerusalem, and of living
only on herbs, and practising austerities, he found pleasure not only
while thinking of them, but also when he had ceased.

This difference he did not notice or value, until one day the eyes of
his soul were opened and he began to inquire the reason of the
difference. He learned by experience that one train of thought left
him sad, the other joyful. This was his first reasoning on spiritual
matters. Afterward, when he began the Spiritual Exercises, he was
enlightened, and understood what he afterward taught his children
about the discernment of spirits. When gradually he recognized the
different spirits by which he was moved, one, the spirit of God, the
other, the devil, and when he had gained no little spiritual light
from the reading of pious books, he began to think more seriously of
his past life, and how much penance he should do to expiate his past
sins.

Amid these thoughts the holy wish to imitate saintly men came to his
mind; his resolve was not more definite than to promise with the help
of divine grace that what they had done he also would do. After his
recovery his one wish was to make a pilgrimage to Jerusalem. He fasted
frequently and scourged himself to satisfy the desire of penance that
ruled in a soul filled with the spirit of God.

The vain thoughts were gradually lessened by means of these
desires--desires that were not a little strengthened by the following
vision. While watching one night he plainly saw the image of the
Blessed Mother of God with the Infant Jesus, at the sight of which,
for a considerable time, he received abundant consolation, and felt
such contrition for his past life that he thought of nothing else.
From that time until August, 1555, when this was written, he never
felt the least motion of concupiscence. This privilege we may suppose
from this fact to have been a divine gift, although we dare not state
it, nor say anything except confirm what has been already said. His
brother and all in the house recognized from what appeared externally
how great a change had taken place in his soul.

He continued his reading meanwhile, and kept the holy resolution he
had made. At home his conversation was wholly devoted to divine
things, and helped much to the spiritual advancement of others.

CHAPTER II

IGNATIUS LEAVES HIS NATIVE LAND--WHAT HE DID AT MONTSERRAT AND AT
MANRESA

Ignatius, starting