m
about to seek in Italy.

Dr. Chambers has advised _Pisa_, and I go in the direct steamer from
the Thames to Leghorn. I have good courage, and as far as my own
strength goes, sufficient means.

Dearest Mrs. Martin, more than I thought at first of telling you, I
have told you. Much beside there is, painful to talk of, but I hope
I have determined to do what is right, and that the determination
has not been formed ungently, unscrupulously, nor unaffectionately in
respect to the feelings of others. I would die for some of those, but
there, has been affection opposed to affection.

This in confidence, of course. May God bless both of you! Pray for me,
dearest Mrs. Martin. Make up your mind to go somewhere soon--shall you
not?--before the winter shuts the last window from which you see the
sun.

Dr. Chambers said that he would 'answer for it' that the voyage would
rather do me good than harm. Let me suffer sea sickness or not, he
said, he would answer for its doing me no harm.

I hope to take Arabel with me, and either Storm or Henry. This is my
hope.

Gratefully and affectionately I think of all your kindness and
interest. May dear Mr. Martin lose nothing in this coming winter! I
shall think of you, and not cease to love you. Moreover, you shall
hear again from

Your ever affectionate
BA.

_To H.S. Boyd_
October 27, 1845 [postmark].

My very dear Friend,--It is so long since I wrote that I must write, I
must ruffle your thoughts with a little breath from my side. Listen
to me, my dear friend. That I have not written has scarcely been my
fault, but my misfortune rather, for I have been quite unstrung and
overcome by agitation and anxiety, and thought that I should be able
to tell you at last of being calmer and happier, but it was all in
vain. I do not leave England, my dear friend. It is decided that I
remain on in my prison. It was my full intention to go. I considered
it to be a clear duty, and I made up my mind to perform it, let the
circumstances be ever so painfully like obstacles; but when the
moment came it appeared impossible for me to set out alone, and also
impossible to take my brother and sister with me without involving
them in difficulties and displeasure. Now what I could risk for myself
I could not risk for others, and the very kindness with which they
desired me not to think of them only made me think of them more, as
was natural and just. So Italy is given up, and I fall back into the
ha