ment concerning the interesting state
of things in the dining-room. It will never do for me, if elected, to
make this young man a member of my Cabinet, for it is plain he cannot be
trusted with secrets of state."

THE GENERAL WAS "HEADED IN"

A Union general, operating with his command in West Virginia, allowed
himself and his men to be trapped, and it was feared his force would be
captured by the Confederates. The President heard the report read by the
operator, as it came over the wire, and remarked:

"Once there was a man out West who was 'heading' a barrel, as they used
to call it. He worked like a good fellow in driving down the hoops, but
just about the time he thought he had the job done, the head would fall
in. Then he had to do the work all over again.

"All at once a bright idea entered his brain, and he wondered how it
was he hadn't figured it out before. His boy, a bright, smart lad, was
standing by, very much interested in the business, and, lifting the young
one up, he put him inside the barrel, telling him to hold the head in
its proper place, while he pounded down the hoops on the sides. This
worked like a charm, and he soon had the 'heading' done.

"Then he realized that his boy was inside the barrel, and how to get him
out he couldn't for his life figure out. General Blank is now inside the
barrel, 'headed in,' and the job now is to get him out."

SUGAR-COATED.

Government Printer Defrees, when one of the President's messages
was being printed, was a good deal disturbed by the use of the term
"sugar-coated," and finally went to Mr. Lincoln about it.

Their relations to each other being of the most intimate character, he
told the President frankly that he ought to remember that a message
to Congress was a different affair from a speech at a mass meeting in
Illinois; that the messages became a part of history, and should be
written accordingly.

"What is the matter now?" inquired the President.

"Why," said Defrees, "you have used an undignified expression in the
message"; and, reading the paragraph aloud, he added, "I would alter the
structure of that, if I were you."

"Defrees," replied the President, "that word expresses exactly my
idea, and I am not going to change it. The time will never come in this
country when people won't know exactly what 'sugar-coated' means."

COULD MAKE "RABBIT-TRACKS."

When a grocery clerk at New Salem, the annual election came around. A
Mr. Gra