a portrait-painter! I tell thee, Alan, I have seen a better
seated on the fourth round of a ladder, and painting a bare-breeched
Highlander, holding a pint-stoup as big as himself, and a booted
Lowlander, in a bobwig, supporting a glass of like dimensions; the whole
being designed to represent the sign of the Salutation.

How hadst thou the heart to represent thine own individual self, with
all thy motions, like those of a great Dutch doll, depending on the
pressure of certain springs, as duty, reflection, and the like; without
the impulse of which, thou wouldst doubtless have me believe thou
wouldst not budge an inch! But have I not seen Gravity out of his bed at
midnight? and must I, in plain terms, remind thee of certain mad pranks?
Thou hadst ever, with the gravest sentiments in thy mouth and the most
starched reserve in thy manner, a kind of lumbering proclivity towards
mischief, although with more inclination to set it a-going than address
to carry it through; and I cannot but chuckle internally, when I think
of having seen my most venerable monitor, the future president of some
high Scottish court, puffing, blowing, and floundering, like a clumsy
cart-horse in a bog where his efforts to extricate himself only plunged
him deeper at every awkward struggle, till some one--I myself, for
example--took compassion on the moaning monster, and dragged him out by
mane and tail.

As for me, my portrait is, if possible, even more scandalously
caricatured, I fail or quail in spirit at the upcome! Where canst thou
show me the least symptom of the recreant temper, with which thou hast
invested me (as I trust) merely to set off the solid and impassible
dignity of thine own stupid indifference? If you ever saw me tremble, be
assured that my flesh, like that of the old Spanish general, only quaked
at the dangers into which my spirit was about to lead it. Seriously,
Alan, this imputed poverty of spirit is a shabby charge to bring against
your friend. I have examined myself as closely as I can, being, in very
truth, a little hurt at your having such hard thoughts of me, and on
my life I can see no reason for them. I allow you have, perhaps, some
advantage of me in the steadiness and indifference of your temper; but I
should despise myself, if I were conscious of the deficiency in courage
which you seem willing enough to impute to me. However, I suppose, this
ungracious hint proceeds from sincere anxiety for my safety; and so
viewin