ourage and iconoclasm, she was deeply feminine in outlook
and behavior. Her strongest attribute was of an emotional rather than
intellectual nature: she felt first and thought afterwards. She had an
extraordinary capacity for believing whatever suited her ideological or
personal purposes. Rationalization and ratiocination merged in her mind
very readily. Thus in her autobiography she was punctilious in recording
the details of her love affairs, presumably in the belief that
everything she did and felt affected her revolutionary development. Yet
at all times she was ready to sacrifice her own happiness for the good
of anarchism.

On her fiftieth birthday, while in prison for obstructing the draft, she
took stock of her past. "Fifty years--thirty of them on the firing
line--had they borne fruit or had I merely been repeating Don Quixote's
idle chase? Had my efforts served only to fill my inner void, to find an
outlet for the turbulence of my being? Or was it really the ideal that
had dictated my conscious course?" She had not the slightest doubt,
however, that her life had not been lived in vain. She had fought
valiantly, and was to remain on the firing line for another twenty
years. And while it is in the very nature of an ideal to fail of
achievement, its mere existence gives life its impetus and its reward.
Emma's quotation from Ibsen, made while waiting for deportation in
1919--"that it is the struggle for the ideal that counts, rather than
the attainment of it"--may well be her epitaph.

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Kronstadt 1921 Ukrain 1918-1921

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