OUS VOUS BATTRE?" _M. Coxe_ (_homme d'etat_).
"NON!"

_M. le General Boxe._ "EH BIEN, ALORS! ALLONS-Y-DONC!"

(_Translation._--"Can you fight?" "No!" "Then come on!")]

* * * * *

Jest in Earnest.

(_What might have happened._)

_Monday._--The Fleets started on their manoeuvres. Before leaving, the
Ironclads ran down, accidentally, all the unarmoured vessels in the
harbour.

_Tuesday._--Collision. Sinking of the _Ajax_.

_Wednesday._--Mistake in steering. Foundering of the _Minotaur_.

_Thursday._--Error in seamanship. Loss of the _Neptune_.

_Friday._--Misapprehension of signal. Ramming of the _Devastation_.

_Saturday._--Something wrong somewhere. The remainder of the Fleet goes to
the bottom.

* * * * *

MR. PUNCH'S MANUAL FOR YOUNG RECITERS.

[Illustration]

It is a charming characteristic of the Young Amateur Entertainer
that--whether he possesses or not the smallest acquaintance with any
language beyond his own--he is always prepared to impersonate a foreigner
of any given nationality at a moment's notice; and _Mr. Punch_ is confident
that the most backward of his Pupils will be perfectly at home (and how his
audience will envy him!) with the following Anglo-German recitation, which
may be given under the following title:--

PROFESSOR BOMPP RELATES A LITTLE ANECDOTE.

(_To do this effectively, you must assume an air of childlike candour._)

I deach my dong in Engeland for dventy years and more;
And vonce I dvell at Vigmore Shtreet, ubon ze zegond floor--

(_Pull yourself up suddenly._)

Bot dat has nodings hier to zay--zo, blease, (_professorial air for
this_) you vill addend!
I gom to dell you gurious dings vat habbened mit a vriend.
He vas a hanzom-headed man, zo like me as a pea,
And eferyveres I valk about he gom along mit me;
Bot all ze efenings, beaceful-quiet, he shtay in-doors and shmoke.
And choggle at himzelf at dimes in hatching out a yoke;
Ontill von day his choggling stobbed--he'd tombled deep in lof,
And he bassed ze dime vith gissing at a leedle vemale glof!
Ubon two shpargling eyes he dink, von deligate cock-nose--
Dill zoon his dinkings vork him op mit gourage to bropose.
Zen, ach! zat nose vas dilted more, and gruel vorts she shpoke:
"I vill not dwine aroundt no heart vat shmells zo shtrong mit shmoke!
Vor you yourzelf I might, vith dime, bersuade myzelf to gare--