I could not realise the full
meaning of the _Gayatri_, there was something in me which could do
without a complete understanding. I am reminded of a day when, as I was
seated on the cement floor in a corner of our schoolroom meditating on
the text, my eyes overflowed with tears. Why those tears came I knew
not; and to a strict cross-questioner I would probably have given some
explanation having nothing to do with the _Gayatri_. The fact of the
matter is that what is going on in the inner recesses of consciousness
is not always known to the dweller on the surface.

(14) _A journey with my Father_

My shaven head after the sacred thread ceremony caused me one great
anxiety. However partial Eurasian lads may be to things appertaining to
the Cow, their reverence for the Brahmin[25] is notoriously lacking. So
that, apart from other missiles, our shaven heads were sure to be pelted
with jeers. While I was worrying over this possibility I was one day
summoned upstairs to my father. How would I like to go with him to the
Himalayas, I was asked. Away from the Bengal Academy and off to the
Himalayas! Would I like it? O that I could have rent the skies with a
shout, that might have given some idea of the How!

On the day of our leaving home my father, as was his habit, assembled
the whole family in the prayer hall for divine service. After I had
taken the dust of the feet of my elders I got into the carriage with my
father. This was the first time in my life that I had a full suit of
clothes made for me. My father himself had selected the pattern and
colour. A gold embroidered velvet cap completed my costume. This I
carried in my hand, being assailed with misgivings as to its effect in
juxtaposition to my hairless head. As I got into the carriage my father
insisted on my wearing it, so I had to put it on. Every time he looked
another way I took it off. Every time I caught his eye it had to resume
its proper place.

My father was very particular in all his arrangements and orderings. He
disliked leaving things vague or undetermined and never allowed
slovenliness or makeshifts. He had a well-defined code to regulate his
relations with others and theirs with him. In this he was different from
the generality of his countrymen. With the rest of us a little
carelessness this way or that did not signify; so in our dealings with
him we had to be anxiously careful. It was not so much the little less
or more that he objected to