gained by working, freed from the trammels of tradition,
led me to discover that I had been searching in impossible places for
that which I had within myself. Nothing but want of self-confidence had
stood in the way of my coming into my own. I felt like rising from a
dream of bondage to find myself unshackled. I cut extraordinary capers
just to make sure I was free to move.

To me this is the most memorable period of my poetic career. As poems my
_Evening Songs_ may not have been worth much, in fact as such they are
crude enough. Neither their metre, nor language, nor thought had taken
definite shape. Their only merit is that for the first time I had come
to write what I really meant, just according to my pleasure. What if
those compositions have no value, that pleasure certainly had.

(31) _An Essay on Music_

I had been proposing to study for the bar when my father had recalled me
home from England. Some friends concerned at this cutting short of my
career pressed him to send me off once again. This led to my starting on
a second voyage towards England, this time with a relative as my
companion. My fate, however, had so strongly vetoed my being called to
the bar that I was not even to reach England this time. For a certain
reason we had to disembark at Madras and return home to Calcutta. The
reason was by no means as grave as its outcome, but as the laugh was not
against _me_, I refrain from setting it down here. From both my
attempted pilgrimages to _Lakshmi's_[48] shrine I had thus to come back
repulsed. I hope, however, that the Law-god, at least, will look on me
with a favourable eye for that I have not added to the encumbrances on
the Bar-library premises.

My father was then in the Mussoorie hills. I went to him in fear and
trembling. But he showed no sign of irritation, he rather seemed
pleased. He must have seen in this return of mine the blessing of Divine
Providence.

The evening before I started on this voyage I read a paper at the
Medical College Hall on the invitation of the Bethune Society. This was
my first public reading. The Reverend K. M. Banerji was the president.
The subject was Music. Leaving aside instrumental music, I tried to make
out that to bring out better what the words sought to express was the
chief end and aim of vocal music. The text of my paper was but meagre. I
sang and acted songs throughout illustrating my theme. The only reason
for the flattering eulogy which the Presi