on as
I was poor. The gifts of love, called the gifts of friendship, which he
contrived to bestow were costly; mine, as fashioned forth by a higher
hand than that of art, might be equally rich and beautiful in the main,
yet wild-flowers, though yellow as the gold, and though wrapped in
rhymes, are light ware when weighed against the solid material. He, in
personal appearance, manners, and generosity of heart, was one with whom
it was impossible to be acquainted and not to esteem; and another
feature of this affair was, that we were friends, and almost constant
companions for some years. When in the country I had to be with him as
continually as possible; and when I went to the city, it was his wont to
follow me. Here, then, was a web strangely woven by the fingers of a
wayward fate. Feelings were brought into daily exercise which might seem
the least compatible with being brought into contact and maintained in
harmony. And these things, which are strictly true, if set forth in the
contrivances of romance might, or in all likelihood would, be pronounced
unnatural or overstrained. The worth and truth of the heart to which
these fond anxieties related left me no ground to fear for losing that
regard which I valued as 'light and life' itself; but in another way
there reached me a matchless misery, and which haunted me almost as
constantly as my own shadow when the sun shone. Considering the dark
uncertainty of my future prospects in life, that regard I felt it
fearful almost beyond measure even to seek to retain, incurring the
responsibility of marring the fortune of one whom nevertheless I could
not bear the thought of another than myself having the bliss of
rendering blessed. If selfishness be thus seen to exist even in love
itself, I would fain hope that it is of an elevated and peculiar kind,
and not that which grovels, dragging downwards, and therefore justly
deserving of the name. I am the more anxious in regard to this on
account of its being in my own case felt so deeply. It maintained its
ground with more or less firmness at all times, and ultimately
triumphed, in despite of all efforts made to the contrary over the
suggestions of prudence and even the sterner reasonings of the sense of
justice. In times of sadness and melancholy, which, like the preacher's
days of darkness, were many, when hope scarcely lit the gloom of the
heart on which it sat though the band of love was about its brow, I
busied myself in endeavo