s. I am
saddest when I sing. So are those who hear me. They are sadder even
than I am....

* * * * *

I met a man in Oregon who hadn't any teeth--not a tooth in his head--yet
that man could play on the bass drum better than any man I ever met....

* * * * *

Brigham Young has two hundred wives. Just think of that! Oblige me by
thinking of that. That is--he has eighty actual wives, and he is
spiritually married to one hundred and twenty more. These spiritual
marriages--as the Mormons call them--are contracted with aged
widows--who think it a great honor to be sealed--the Mormons call it
being sealed--to the Prophet.

So we may say he has two hundred wives. He loves not wisely--but two
hundred well. He is dreadfully married. He's the most married man I ever
saw in my life....

* * * * *

I regret to say that efforts were made to make a Mormon of me while I
was in Utah.

It was leap-year when I was there--and seventeen young widows--the wives
of a deceased Mormon--offered me their hearts and hands. I called on
them one day--and taking their soft white hands in mine--which made
eighteen hands altogether--I found them in tears.

And I said--"Why is this thus? What is the reason of this thusness?"

They hove a sigh--seventeen sighs of different size.--They said--

"Oh--soon thou wilt be gonested away!"

I told them that when I got ready to leave a place I wentested.

They said--"Doth not like us?"

I said--"I doth--I doth!"

I also said--"I hope your intentions are honorable--as I am a lone
child--my parents being far--far away."

They then said--"Wilt not marry us?"

I said--"Oh no--it cannot was."

Again they asked me to marry them--and again I declined. When they
cried--

"Oh--cruel man! This is too much--oh! too much!"

I told them that it was on account of the muchness that I
declined.--_Works_.

FRANK R. STOCKTON.

(BORN, 1834.)

* * * * *

OUR TAVERN.

It was about noon of a very fair July day, when Euphemia and myself
arrived at the little town where we were to take the stage up into the
mountains. We were off for a two weeks' vacation and our minds were a
good deal easier than when we went away before, and left Pomona at the
helm. We had enlarged the boundaries of Rudder Grange, having purchased
the house, with enough adjoining land to make quite a resp