to be.
The "masher" is an impertinence, a nuisance; but never, dear madam,
never a danger.

_CHAPTER XV

SOCIAL CONDITIONS BEHIND THE SCENES_

"What social conditions exist behind the scenes?"

This fourth question is one that Charles Dickens would have called an
"agriwator," and as it is repeated every now and again, I ask myself
where is the curiosity about the theatre, its people, and its life to
end? The question is, What social conditions exist behind the scenes?
Now to be quite frank, the first few times this query appeared, I was
distinctly aggravated. I said to myself, do these ladies and
gentlemen--yes, three males are in this inquiring group--do they think
we are a people so apart from all others that we require a separate and
distinctly different social code; that we know nothing of the law
governing the size, style, and use of the visiting card; that
congratulations, condolences, are unknown rites; that invitations,
acceptances, and regrets are ancient Hebrew to us, and calls, teas,
dinners, and dances are exalted functions far above our comprehension?
And then I read the question again, and saw I was making a ninny of
myself--an easy thing to do with the thermometer at ninety-nine in the
shade. That it said "behind the scenes," and with a laugh I recalled the
little child who had delightedly witnessed her first Christmas
pantomime; and being told afterward I was one of the people of the play,
she watched and listened eagerly some time before coming and resting a
dimpled hand on mine, to ask disappointedly, "Please, does all the
actin' people have 'emselves jes' same as any one?"

Poor blue-eyed tot, she had expected at least a few twirls about the
room, a few bounds and hand kisses; and here I was "'having" just like
any one. So all my mistaken vexation gone, I'll try to make plain our
social condition behind the scenes.

In the first place, then, a theatrical company is almost exactly like
one large family. Our feeling for one another is generally one of warm
good-fellowship. In our manners there is an easy familiarity which we
would not dream of using outside of our own little company circle. We
are a socially inclined people, communicative, fond of friendly
conversation, and hopelessly given over to jokes, or, as we put it, "to
guying."

But don't imagine there's any _socialism_ about a theatre that means
community of property and association; on the contrary, we enter into
the keenest