ention. On the faith of an honest man I assure you it is not. I
have retrenched considerably the pathetic eloquence of the magistrate,
and I have left altogether untouched the poor tailor's struggle
between pride and poverty--whether, on the one hand, to suffer the
loss of his _half_-crown, or, on the other, to submit to the
desecration of his _entire_ head. We hear a great deal about a law for
the rich, and another for the poor; and certainly in this case I am
disposed to think the complaint might not seem without foundation.
Suppose for a moment that the prisoner in this case had been the
Honourable Augustus Somebody, who appeared before his worship
fashionably attired, and with hair, beard, and moustache far
surpassing in extravagance the poor tailor's; should we then have
heard this beautiful apostrophe to "the croppies," this thundering
denunciation of ringlets? I half fear not. And yet, under what pretext
does a magistrate address to one man, the insulting language he would
not dare apply to another? Or let us suppose the rule of justice to be
inflexible, and look at the result. What havoc would Sir Peter make
among the Guards? ay, even in the household of her Majesty how many
delinquents would he find? what a scene would not the clubs present,
on the police authorities dropping suddenly down amongst them with
rule and line to determine the statute length of their whiskers, or
the legal cut of their eye-brows? Happy King of Hanover, were you
still amongst us, not even the Alliance would insure your mustachoes.
As for Lord Ellenborough, it is now clear enough why he accepted the
government of India, and made such haste to get out of the country.

[Illustration]

Now we will suppose that as Sir Peter Laurie's antipathy is long hair,
Sir Frederick Roe may also have his dislikes. It is but fair, you will
allow, that the privileges of the bench should be equal. Well, for
argument's sake, I will imagine that Sir Frederick Roe has not the
same horror of long hair as his learned brother, but has the most
unconquerable aversion to long noses. What are we to do here? Heaven
help half our acquaintance if this should strike him! What is to be
done with Lord Allen if he beat a watchman! In what a position will he
stand if he fracture a lamp? One's hair may be cut to any length,--it
may be even shaved clean off; but your nose.--And then a few weeks,--a
few months at farthest, and your hair has grown again: but your nose,
like