thing to boast of, save Dan for Lord Mayor, and Burton Bindon's
oysters? Once more, I say, if what these people tell us be facts, they
are the most unpalatable facts could be told to a nation; and I see no
manner of propriety or good-breeding in replying to a gipsy who begs
for a penny, by the information, that "his ancestors built the
Pyramids."

Again, if our days are dark, our nights are worse; and what, in
Heaven's name, have we to do with an observatory and a telescope as
long as the _Great Western_? The planets are the most expensive
vagabonds to the Budget, and the fixed stars are a fixed imposition.
Were I Chancellor of the Exchequer, I'd pension the Moon, and give the
Great Bear a sum of money as compensation. Do not tell me of the
distresses of the people, arising from cotton, or corn, China, or
Chartists--it is our scientific institutions are eating into the
national resources. There is not an egg-saucepan of antiquity that
does not cost the country a plum, and every wag of a comet's tail may
be set down at half-a-million. I warrant me the people in the Moon
take us a deuced deal more easily, and give themselves very little
trouble to make out the size of Ireland's eye or the height of
Croaghpatrick. No, no; let the Chancellor of the Exchequer come down
with a slapping measure of retrenchment, and make a clear stage of all
of them. Every man with money to buy a cotton umbrella is his own
meteorologist; and a pocket telescope, price eight-and-fourpence, is
long enough, in all conscience, for any man in a climate like ours;
or, if such a course seem too peremptory, call on these people for
their bill, and let there be a stated sum for each item. At Dolly's
chop-house, you know to the exact farthing how much your beefsteak and
glass of ale will cost you; and if you wish, in addition, a slice of
Stilton with your XX, you consult your pocket before you speak. Let
not the nation be treated worse than the individual: let us first look
about us, and see if a year of prosperity and cheap potatoes will
permit us the indulgence of obtaining a new luminary or an old
chronicle; then, when we know the cost, we may calculate with safety.
Suppose a fixed star, for instance, be set down at ten pounds; a
planet at five; Saturn has so many belts, I would not give more than
half-a-crown for a new one; and, as for an eclipse of the sun, I had
rather propose a reward for the man who could tell us when we could
see him palpably.