tinsmith from one of the Engineer companies."

But the booming cantata continued.

"What does he want?" whispered the Staff Captain. "A drink?"

The Brigade-Major looked hopeful.

"Yes; get a whisky and soda and a straw, if there's one left."

The booming died away.

A few minutes later the Staff, ably assisted by the General's batman,
got one end of the straw into the worthy Brigadier's mouth. The
Colonel closed those holes he could see with his fingers, and the
signalling officer held the drink.

"Now, are we ready?" cried the Brigade-Major anxiously. "All right,
sir--suck."

The experiment was not a success. Jets of liquid spurted in all
directions, an explosion like a geyser shook the tin, and the Staff
recoiled a pace. In fact, I am given to understand that the chief
clerk, an intensely interested spectator, so far forgot himself as to
counsel the Staff Captain to "sit on 'is 'ead."

"Do you think we could do anything with one of those instruments for
opening tongues?" hazarded the Staff Captain, when the silence had
become oppressive and the outbursts of fire extinguished.

"We might try." The signalling officer was doubtful, but sallied
forth, and after some delay returned with one. "Where shall we start?"

"Any old place." The Staff Captain gripped the implement and stepped
manfully forward. "We're going to try something else, sir--a
tongue-opener."

The General hooted apathetically; the onlookers looked anxious, and the
Staff Captain got his first grip on the tin.

"Hold the General's head, Bill," he cried to the Brigade-Major, "so
that I can get a purchase. Now, then--one--two----"

A howl of agony rent the air, and even the chief clerk looked pensive.

"It's his ear, you fool!" The Colonel dodged rapidly out of the door
to evade the human tornado within, and the situation became crucial.
Even the tinsmith, who arrived at that moment, a man of phlegmatic
disposition, was moved out of his habitual calm and applauded loudly.

"Thank heavens you've come!" gasped the Brigade-Major, keeping a wary
eye fixed on his frenzied senior, who, surrounded with _debris_ and red
ink, was now endeavouring to pull the tin off with his hands. "The
General has had a slight mishap. Can you remove that tin from his
head?"

The expert contemplated his victim in silence for a few moments.

"Yus," he remarked at length, "I can, sir, if 'e keeps quite still.
But I won't be answerable for the conseque