that. It will give me a change and I may see some unfortunate
men and women who are worse off than I am. Oh, if God would only work a
miracle so that I can have Christopher and make him happy! But that can
never be. Why not? Why do I say that after what has happened to me? Was
it not a miracle that saved me from those hideous evils? Then why not
other miracles?

* * * * *

_At Lourdes. Two Weeks Later._

Speaking of miracles, I am living among them. I am working in the
_Bureau de Constatations_ where the _miracules_--those who are supposed
to have been miraculously healed--are questioned and examined by
doctors, Catholics, Protestants, Agnostics, Atheists, who come from all
over the world to investigate these cures from the standpoint of a
religion or pure science. What sights I have seen! Men and women of all
ages and walks of life testifying that the waters of the sacred grotto
have freed them from this or that malady, from tumors, lameness,
deafness, blindness, tuberculosis, nervous trouble and numerous other
afflictions. By thousands and tens of thousands these unfortunates crowd
here from the four corners of the earth, an endless procession of
believers, and every year sees scores of the incurable cured, instantly
cured--even the sceptical admit this, although they interpret the facts
differently. Some say it is auto-suggestion, others speak of mass
hypnotism, others regard it as a scientific phenomenon not yet
understood like the operation of the X-rays. And many wise men are
satisfied with the simple explanation that it is the work of God,
manifested today for those who have faith exactly as in Bible times.

* * * * *

I was stabbed with poignant memories this afternoon when a tall
black-bearded peasant told the doctors that his father, who accompanied
him, and who had been insane, a violent neurasthenic, shut up in an
asylum for four years, had been restored by the blessed waters to
perfect health and had shown no abnormality of body or mind for eight
years. These statements were verified by scientists and doctors.

Eight years! If I really believe in the permanent recovery of this poor
man, as the doctors do, why am I doubtful about my own permanent
recovery? The answer is that I am not doubtful for myself, but for
Christopher. He might reason like this, he might say to himself--he is
so loyal that he would die rather than say it to me: "I kno