y
profanity?"

"Ah, who's been fillin' you up?" says I. "Why, you're an artist at it."

"Thanks," says he. "And I suppose you felt it your duty to inform my
relatives of the fact? Very thoughtful of you, I'm sure."

"Don't mention it," says I.

"You--you're an impertinent young whelp!" says he, his cheeks gettin'
purple and puffy.

"Ah, don't mind the frills," says I. "Get out the can. I'm fired, ain't
I?"

"No!" he shouts, bangin' his fist down on the desk. "At least, not until
I get through with you. What I want to know is why in blue belted blazes
you did it!"

"Well," says I, "first off I guess it just naturally slipped out; then,
when I saw what a hit I was makin' with Martha--why, I expect I sort of
enjoyed givin' her the details."

Somehow, that seems to graze his funnybone, and he has a struggle to
keep a grin out of his mouth corners. "Humph!" says he. "I--I'd like to
have seen her then. So you went on to describe the general state of my
health, did you?"

"It was you we was chattin' about," says I.

"Fascinating topic, I've no doubt," he growls; "but I hardly appreciate
the attention. Understand?"

"That's breakin' on me gradual," says I.

"Fortunately for you, though," he goes on, "you didn't attempt to lie
out of it. By the way, why didn't you?"

"And her just after givin' you the whole game over the 'phone?" says I.
"Ah, say!"

"Young man," says he, shootin' over the quizzin' gaze, "either you are
too blickety blinked fresh to keep, or else you're too keen to lose;
hanged if I know which! But--er--well, I'll take a chance. You may go
out and report to Mr. Piddie for duty."

"It'll near break his heart," says I.

It does, too. I expect from what he'd heard in the private office that
he was figurin' on handin' me my hat as I was shot out and remarkin'
that he knew all along it was comin' to me. Then there'd be a rollcall
of new office boys, with him pickin' out one more to his taste than me.
But no such luck for him.

"Cheer up, Piddie," says I. "I'll have the warden send you an invitation
when they fin'lly get me right."

Course, I don't make any squeal at the house about my narrow escape; for
I knew Martha only meant it for the best. Next day Mr. Ellins don't show
up at the office at all, and that evenin' Martha is better posted on his
condition than I am. She's been busy on the wire again, this time
locatin' him at home.

"My poor cousin," says she, "is in a wretched state. He ha