with the Bread
Knife one Day, and then told Mamma the Baby had Driven it in with the
Rolling Pin, which was a Lie. James was always Obedient, and when his
Mamma told him not to Help an old Blind Man across the street or Go into
a Dark Room where the Boogies were, he always Did What She said. That is
why they Called him Good James. Well, by and by, along Came Christmas.
Mamma said, You have been so Bad, my son Reginald, you will not Get any
Presents from Santa Claus this Year; but you, my son James, will get
Oodles of Presents, because you have Been Good. Will you Believe it,
Children, that Bad boy Reginald said he didn't Care a Darn and he Kicked
three Feet of Veneering off the Piano just for Meanness. Poor James was
so sorry for Reginald that he cried for Half an Hour after he Went to
Bed that Night. Reginald lay wide Awake until he saw James was Asleep
and then he Said if these people think they can Fool me, they are
Mistaken. Just then Santa Claus came down the Chimney. He had Lots of
Pretty Toys in a Sack on his Back. Reginald shut his Eyes and Pretended
to be Asleep. Then Santa Claus Said, Reginald is Bad and I will not Put
any nice Things in his Stocking. But as for you, James, I will Fill
your Stocking Plum full of Toys, because You are Good. So Santa Claus
went to Work and Put, Oh! heaps and Heaps of Goodies in James' stocking,
but not a Sign of a Thing in Reginald's stocking. And then he Laughed to
himself and Said I guess Reginald will be Sorry to-morrow because he Was
so Bad. As he said this he Crawled up the chimney and rode off in his
Sleigh. Now you can Bet your Boots Reginald was no Spring Chicken. He
just Got right Straight out of Bed and changed all those Toys and Truck
from James' stocking into his own. Santa Claus will Have to Sit up all
Night, said He, when he Expects to get away with my Baggage. The next
morning James got out of Bed and when He had Said his Prayers he Limped
over to his Stocking, licking his chops and Carrying his Head as High as
a Bull going through a Brush Fence. But when he found there was Nothing
in his stocking and that Reginald's Stocking was as Full as Papa Is when
he comes home Late from the Office, he Sat down on the Floor and began
to Wonder why on Earth he had Been such a Good boy. Reginald spent a
Happy Christmas and James was very Miserable. After all, Children, it
Pays to be Bad, so Long as you Combine Intellect with Crime.

BANTY TIM

REMARKS OF SERGEANT TILMON