ch weariness, want of prayerfulness,
and want of cleaving to Christ." Tuesday the 5th being the anniversary
of his licence to preach the gospel, he writes: "Eventful week; one
year I have preached _Jesus_, have I? or myself? I have often preached
myself also, but Jesus I have preached."

About this time he again felt the hand of affliction, though it did
not continue long. Yet it was plain to him now that personal trouble
was to be one of the ingredients of that experience which helped to
give a peculiar tone to his ministry.

"_July 8._--Since Tuesday have been laid up with illness. Set by once
more for a season to feel my unprofitableness and cure my pride. When
shall this self-choosing temper be healed? 'Lord, I will preach, run,
visit, wrestle,' said I. 'No, thou shalt lie in thy bed and suffer,'
said the Lord. To-day missed some fine opportunities of speaking a
word for Christ. The Lord saw I would have spoken as much for my own
honor as his, and therefore shut my mouth. _I see a man cannot be a
faithful minister, until he preaches Christ for Christ's sake_--until
he gives up striving to attract people to himself, and seeks only to
attract them to Christ. Lord, give me this! To-night some glimpses of
humbling, and therefore some wrestling in social prayer. But my
prayers are scarcely to be called prayer." Then, in the evening: "This
day my brother has been five years absent from the body and present
with the Lord, and knows more and loves more than all earthly saints
together. Till the day break and the shadows flee away, turn, my
Beloved!"

"_July 10._--I fear I am growing more earthly in some things. To-day I
felt a difficulty in bringing in spiritual conversation immediately
after preaching, when my bosom should be burning. Excused myself from
dining out from other than the grand reason; though checked and
corrected myself. Evening--Insensibly slid into worldly conversation.
Let these things be corrected in me, O Lord, by the heart being more
filled with love to Jesus, and more ejaculatory prayer."

"_July 17_, Sabbath.--Oh that I may remember my own word this day:
that the hour of communion is the hour for the foxes--the little
foxes--to spoil the wine. Two things that defile this day in looking
back, are love of praise running through all, and consenting to listen
to worldly talk at all. Oh that these may keep me humble and be my
burden, leading me to the cross. Then, Satan, thou wilt be outwitted!"

"_J