one side. 'Lady Lyndon,' said I, 'you are an
old fool!'

'Old fool!' said she; and she jumped at the bell, which was quickly
answered by a mouldy-looking gentleman in an unpowdered wig, to whom she
cried, 'Say Lady Lyndon is here;' and stalked down the passage muttering
'Old fool.' It was 'OLD' which was the epithet that touched her. I might
call her anything but that.

Mr. Tapewell was in his musty room, surrounded by his parchments and tin
boxes. He advanced and bowed; begged her Ladyship to be seated; pointed
towards a chair for me, which I took, rather wondering at his insolence;
and then retreated to a side-door, saying he would be back in one
moment.

And back he DID come in one moment, bringing with him--whom do you
think? Another lawyer, six constables in red waistcoats with bludgeons
and pistols, my Lord George Poynings, and his aunt Lady Jane Peckover.

When my Lady Lyndon saw her old flame, she flung herself into his arms
in an hysterical passion. She called him her saviour, her preserver,
her gallant knight; and then, turning round to me, poured out a flood of
invective which quite astonished me.

'Old fool as I am,' said she, 'I have outwitted the most crafty and
treacherous monster under the sun. Yes, I WAS a fool when I married you,
and gave up other and nobler hearts for your sake--yes, I was a fool
when I forgot my name and lineage to unite myself with a base-born
adventurer--a fool to bear, without repining, the most monstrous tyranny
that ever woman suffered; to allow my property to be squandered; to see
women, as base and low-born as yourself'--

'For Heaven's sake, be calm!' cries the lawyer; and then bounded back
behind the constables, seeing a threatening look in my eye which the
rascal did not like. Indeed. I could have torn him to pieces, had he
come near me. Meanwhile, my Lady continued in a strain of incoherent
fury; screaming against me, and against my mother especially, upon whom
she heaped abuse worthy of Billingsgate, and always beginning and ending
the sentence with the word fool.

'You don't tell all, my Lady,' says I bitterly; 'I said OLD fool.'

'I have no doubt you said and did, sir, everything that a blackguard
could say or do,' interposed little Poynings. 'This lady is now safe
under the protection of her relations and the law, and need fear your
infamous persecutions no longer.'

'But YOU are not safe,' roared I; 'and, as sure as I am a man of honour,
and have tasted yo