sing out:
"Hully gee, Chimmy, wot's become of the rest of the parade? 'Ere's the
bass drum goin' home all by itself."

I've known of just such remarks being made and I assure you they cut a
sensitive soul to the core. Not for the fat man are the snappy clothes
for varsity men and the patterns called by the tailors confined because
that is what they should be but aren't. Not for him the silken shirt
with the broad stripes. Shirts with stripes that were meant to run
vertically but are caused to run horizontally, by reasons over which
the wearer has no control, remind others of the awning over an Italian
grocery. So the fat man must stick to sober navy blues and depressing
blacks and melancholy grays. He is advised that he should wear his
evening clothes whenever possible, because black and white lines are
more becoming to him. But even in evening clothes, that wide expanse of
glazed shirt and those white enamel studs will put the onlookers in mind
of the front end of a dairy lunch or so I have been cruelly told.

When planning public utilities, who thinks of a fat man? There never was
a hansom cab made that would hold a fat man comfortably unless he left
the doors open, and that makes him feel undressed. There never was an
orchestra seat in a theater that would contain all of him at the same
time--he churns up and sloshes out over the sides. Apartment houses and
elevators and hotel towels are all constructed upon the idea that the
world is populated by stock-size people with those double-A-last shapes.

Take a Pullman car, for instance. One of the saddest sights known is
that of a fat man trying to undress on one of those closet shelves
called upper berths without getting hopelessly entangled in the hammock
or committing suicide by hanging himself with his own suspenders. And
after that, the next most distressing sight is the same fat man after
he has undressed and is lying there, spouting like a sperm-whale and
overflowing his reservation like a crock of salt-rising dough in a warm
kitchen, and wondering how he can turn over without bulging the side of
the car and maybe causing a wreck. Ah me, those dark green curtains with
the overcoat buttons on them hide many a distressful spectacle from the
traveling public!

If a fat man undertakes to reduce nobody sympathizes with him. A
thin man trying to fatten up so he won't fall all the way through his
trousers when he draws 'em on in the morning is an object of sympathy
a