bitual intemperance is
favorable to longevity." "No, no," replied the Chief Justice, with a
smile, "this old man and his brother merely teach us what every
carpenter knows--that Elm, whether it be wet or dry, is a very tough
wood." Another version of this excellent story makes Lord Mansfield
inquire of the elder Elm, "Then how do you account for your prolonged
tenure of existence?" to which question Elm is made to respond, more
like a lawyer than a simple witness, "I account for it by the terms of
the original lease."

Few stories relating to witnesses are more laughable than that which
describes the arithmetical process by which Mr. Baron Perrot arrived at
the value of certain conflicting evidence. "Gentlemen of the jury," this
judge is reported to have said, in summing up the evidence in a trial
where the witnesses had sworn with noble tenacity of purpose, "there are
fifteen witnesses who swear that the watercourse used to flow in a ditch
on the north side of the hedge. On the other hand, gentlemen, there are
nine witnesses who swear that the watercourse used to flow on the south
side of the hedge. Now, gentlemen, if you subtract nine from fifteen,
there remain six witnesses wholly uncontradicted; and I recommend you to
give your verdict for the party who called those six witnesses."

Whichever of the half-dozen ways in which it is told be accepted as the
right one, the following story exemplifies the difficulty which
occasionally arises in courts of justice, when witnesses use provincial
terms with which the judge is not familiar. Mr. William Russell, in past
days deputy-surveyor of 'canny Newcastle,' and a genuine Northumbrian in
dialect, brogue, and shrewdness, was giving his evidence at an important
trial in the Newcastle court-house, when he said--"As I was going along
the quay, I saw a hubbleshew coming out of a chare-foot." Not aware that
on Tyne-side the word 'hubbleshew' meant 'a concourse of riotous
persons;' that the narrow alleys or lanes of Newcastle 'old town' were
called by their inhabitants 'chares;' and that the lower end of each
alley, where it opened upon quay-side, was termed a 'chare-foot;' the
judge, seeing only one part of the puzzle, inquired the meaning of the
word 'hubbleshew.' "A crowd of disorderly persons," answered the
deputy-surveyor. "And you mean to say," inquired the judge of assize,
with a voice and look of surprise, "that you saw a crowd of people come
out of a chair-foot?" "I do,