whisper, "Brother were you ever in the stocks?" "Never, my lord,"
answered the advocate, with a look of lively astonishment "I have been,"
was the whispered reply; "and let me assure you that the agony inflicted
by the stocks is--_awful_!"

Of a different sort, but scarcely less intense, was the pain endured by
Lord Mansfield whenever a barrister pronounced a Latin word with a false
quantity. "My lords," said the Scotch advocate, Crosby, at the bar of
the House of Lords, "I have the honor to appear before your lordships as
counsel for the Curators." "Ugh!" groaned the Westminster Oxford
law-lord, softening his reproof by an allusion to his Scotch
nationality, "Curators, Mr. Crosby, Curators: I wish _our_ countrymen
would pay a little more attention to prosody." "My Lord," replied Mr.
Crosby, with delightful readiness and composure, "I can assure you that
_our_ countrymen are very proud of your lordship as the greatest
senator and orator of the present age." The barrister who made Baron
Alderson shudder under his robes by applying for a 'nolle prosequi,' was
not equally quick at self-defence, when that judge interposed, "Stop,
sir--consider that this is the last day of term, and don't make things
unnecessarily long." It was Baron Alderson who, in reply to the
juryman's confession that he was deaf in one ear, observed, "Then leave
the box before the trial begins; for it is necessary that jurymen should
_hear both sides_."

Amongst legal wits, Lord Ellenborough enjoys a high place; and though in
dealing out satire upon barristers and witnesses, and even on his
judicial coadjutors, he was often needlessly severe, he seldom
perpetrated a jest the force of which lay solely in its cruelty. Perhaps
the most harsh and reprehensible outburst of satiric humor recorded of
him is the crushing speech by which he ruined a young man for life. "The
_unfortunate_ client for whom it is my privilege to appear," said a
young barrister, making his first essay in Westminster Hall--"the
unfortunate client, my lord, for whom I appear--hem! hem!--I say, my
lord, my _unfortunate client_----" Leaning forwards, and speaking in a
soft, cooing voice, that was all the more derisive, because it was so
gentle, Lord Ellenborough said, "you may go on, sir--so far the court is
with you." One would have liked his lordship better had he sacrificed
his jest to humanity, and acted as long afterwards that true gentleman,
Mr. Justice Talfourd, acted, who, seei