but the chances were that
he might die from suffocation before they could unscrew all the screws
of the outside box and the coffin, and he said he didn't know but the
best way would be to take an ax and break it open.

Fred said that was his idea, and he was just going for the ax when the
brakeman moved the water barrel, tipped over the parrot cage, and the
parrot shook himself and looked mad and said. "There, butterfingers!
Polly wants a cracker."

Cornes had just come up with the axe, and was about to tell the brakeman
to chop the box, when the parrot spoke.

"Well, by-----," said the baggageman. The doctor laughed, the brakeman
looked out the door to see how the weather was, and the conductor said,
"I knew it was a parrot all the time, but you fellows were so anxious to
chop into the box that I was going to let you. I never saw a lot of men
with so much curiosity." Then they all united in trying to bribe the
doctor not to tell the story in Milwaukee.

GOT IN THE WRONG PEW.

When the Young Men's Christian Association left our bed and board,
without just cause or provocation, and took up its abode in Bon Accord
Hall, we felt as though we had been bereaved of a fruitful source of
items, and at first we were inclined to advertise the association, and
warn dealers not to trust them on our account, as their credit was as
good as ours, but almost every day we hear of something that will do to
write up.

The new hall of the association was formerly used by Prof. Sherman as a
dancing academy, and the other night when young Mr. Collingbourne agreed
to go around to the dancing school and escort a lady friend home, about
half past nine, he did not know of the change. At the appointed time
he went to the place he had always found the dancing school, and at the
bottom of the stairs he met a solemn looking sort of person who handed
him a circular and said, "Come in, brother, and partake freely of the
waters of life."

"You bet your boots," says Collingbourne, as he threw his cigar into the
street, "but don't we get anything but water?"

Mr. Collingbourne is the last man in the world who would appear
irreverent, but he thought it was a dancing school, and when a mournful
looking man on the first landing took him by the arm and said, "Come
all ye who are weary and heavy laden," he felt that there was an effort
being made to snatch his watch, so he jerked away from the brother and
told him he didn't want any taffy, and