f human remains to furnish material for the construction of
three or four men of ordinary size, and good sound brains enough to
stock a whole county like the one I came from in the noble old state of
Missouri. And so dyed were the combatants in their own gore that they
looked like shapeless, mutilated, red-shirted firemen.

The moment a chance offered, Low grabbed Stanford by the hair of the
head, swung him thrice round and round in the air like a lasso, and
then slammed him on the ground with such mighty force that he quivered
all over, and squirmed painfully, like a worm; and behold, his body and
such of his limbs as he had left, shortly assumed a swollen aspect like
unto those of a rag doll-baby stuffed with saw-dust.

He rallied again, however, and the two desperadoes clinched and never
let up until they had minced each other into such insignificant odds and
ends that neither was able to distinguish his own remnants from those of
his antagonist. It was awful.

Bill Stewart and Judge Field issued from their corners and gazed upon
the sanguinary reminiscences in silence during several minutes. At the
end of that time, having failed to discover that either champion had got
the best of the fight, they threw up their sponges simultaneously, and
Gen. Wright proclaimed in a loud voice that the battle was "drawn." May
my ears never again be rent asunder with a burst of sound similar to
that which greeted this announcement, from the multitudes. Amen.

By order of Gen. Wright, baskets were procured, and Bill Stewart and
Judge Field proceeded to gather up the fragments of their late
principals, while I gathered up my notes and went after my infernal
horse, who had slipped his blankets and was foraging among the
neighboring children. I--

P. S.--Messrs. Editors, I have been the victim of an infamous hoax. I
have been imposed upon by that ponderous miscreant, Mr. Frank Lawler, of
the Lick House. I left my room a moment ago, and the first man I met on
the stairs was Gov. Stanford, alive and well, and as free from
mutilation as you or I. I was speechless. Before I reached the street, I
actually met Gov. Low also, with his own head on his own shoulders, his
limbs intact, his inner mechanism in its proper place, and his cheeks
blooming with gorgeous robustitude. I was amazed. But a word of
explanation from him convinced me that I had been swindled by Mr. Lawler
with a detail account of a fight which had never occurred, and was n