l vas tark!

Oh, vell was it for Hiram Twine
Dat nimply he couldt shoomp;
Und vell dat he light on a misthauf,
Und nefer feel de boomp;
Und vell for him dat his goot cray horse
Shtood sattled shoost outside;
Und vell dat in an augenblick
He vas off on a teufel's ride.

Bang! bang! de sharp pistolen shots
Vent pipin py his ear,
Boot he tortled oop de barrick road
Like any mountain deer:
Dey trowed der Hiram Twine mit shteins,
But dey only could be-mark
Von climpse of his vhite obercoadt,
Und a clotterin in de tark.

So dey all versembled togeder,
Ein ander to sprechen mit,
Und allow dat sooch a rede
Dey nefer exshpegd from Schmit--
Dat he vas a foorst-glass plackguard,
And so pig a Lump ash ran;
So, _nemine contradicente_,
Dey vented for Breitmann.

Und 'twas annerthalb yar dereafter
Before der Schmit vas know
Vot maket dis rural fillage
Go pack oopon him so;
Und he schvored at de Dootch more schlimmer
Ash Hiram Twine had tone.
_Nota bene_: He tid it in earnesht,
Vhile der Hiram's vas pusiness fun.

Boot vhen Breitmann heard de shdory,
How de fillage hat peen dricked,
He shvore bei Leib und Leben
He'd rader hafe been licked
Dan be helped bei sooch shumgoozlin;
Und 'twas petter to pe a schwein
Dan a schwindlin honeyfooglin shnake,
Like dat lyin Yankee Twine.

Und pegot so heafy disgoosted
Mit de boledicks of dis land,
Dat his friendts couldn't barely keep him
From trowin oop his hand,
Vhen he helt shtraidt flush, mit an ace in his poot;
Vich phrase ish all de same,
In de science of de pokerology,
Ash if he got de game.

So Breitmann cot elegtet,
Py vollowin de vay
Dey manage de elegdions
Unto dis fery day;
Vitch shows de Deutsch _Dummehrlichkeit_,
Also de Yankee "wit":
Das ist Abenteuer
How Breitmann lick der Schmit.

LOVE SONG

BY CHARLES GODFREY LELAND

Overe mine lofe a sugar-powl,
De fery shmallest loomp
Vouldt shveet de seas from bole to bole,
Und make de shildren shoomp.
Und if she vere a clofer-fieldt,
I'd bet mine only pence,
It vouldn't pe no dime at all
Pefore I'd shoomp de fence.

Her heafenly foice it drill me so,
It really seems to hoort;
She ish de holiest anamile
Dat roons oopon de dirt.
De re'nbow rises ven she sings,
De sonn shine ven she dalk,