gh I had received
none from you, I should not have taken that occasion to revenge myself.
Nay, I should have concluded you innocent, and have imagined a thousand
ways how it might happen, rather than have suspected your want of
kindness. Why should not you be as just to me? But I will not chide, it
may be (as long as we have been friends) you do not know me so well yet
as to make an absolute judgment of me; but if I know myself at all, if I
am capable of being anything, 'tis a perfect friend. Yet I must chide
too. Why did you get such a cold? Good God! how careless you are of a
life that (by your own confession) I have told you makes all the
happiness of mine. 'Tis unkindly done. What is left for me to say, when
that will not prevail with you; or how can you persuade me to a cure of
myself, when you refuse to give me the example? I have nothing in the
world that gives me the least desire of preserving myself, but the
opinion I have you would not be willing to lose me; and yet, if you saw
with what caution I live (at least to what I did before), you would
reproach it to yourself sometimes, and might grant, perhaps, that you
have not got the advantage of me in friendship so much as you imagine.
What (besides your consideration) could oblige me to live and lose all
the rest of my friends thus one after another? Sure I am not insensible
nor very ill-natured, and yet I'll swear I think I do not afflict myself
half so much as another would do that had my losses. I pay nothing of
sadness to the memory of my poor brother, but I presently disperse it
with thinking what I owe in thankfulness that 'tis not you I mourn for.

Well, give me no more occasions to complain of you, you know not what
may follow. Here was Mr. Freeman yesterday that made me a very kind
visit, and said so many fine things to me, that I was confounded with
his civilities, and had nothing to say for myself. I could have wished
then that he had considered me less and my niece more; but if you
continue to use me thus, in earnest, I'll not be so much her friend
hereafter. Methinks I see you laugh at all my threatenings; and not
without reason. Mr. Freeman, you believe, is designed for somebody that
deserves him better. I think so too, and am not sorry for it; and you
have reason to believe I never can be other than

Your faithful friend.

CHAPTER IV

DESPONDENCY. CHRISTMAS 1653

This chapter of letters is a sad note, sounding out from among its
fell