of. Fancy, Funk, fancy the man, your son, in a moment of
rashness, I meant to succeed, died of a sore-throat! an infallible
disorder attendant upon the duties of those d--d landing-waiterships. What
an escape we have had! The place is given to my butler, so there's no
fear. Kiss the child, and believe me ever,

Your sincere and much relieved friend,

GRIPE GAMMON.

To Funk Flat, Esq., &c. &c.

From this time forward the correspondence, like "Irish reciprocity," is
"all on one side." It generally consists of four-and-twenty letters from
the constituent in the country to the returned member in town. As these
are _never opened_, all that is required is a well-written direction, on a
_blank sheet of paper_.

(Seventhly.)

FROM SONS TO FATHERS.

(Several.)

DEAR FATHER,--Studies continued--(blot)--profession--future
hopes--application--increased expenses--irate landlady--small
remittance--duty--love--say twenty-five pounds--best wishes--sister,
mother, all at home.

Dutiful son,

JOHN JOSKIN.

(Eighthly.)

ANSWER TO THE SAME.

Delighted--assiduity--future fortune--great profession!--Increase of
family--no cash--best prayers, sister, mother.

_Loving father!_

JOSKIN, SEN.

N.B. By altering the relative positions and sexes, the above is good for
all relations! If writing to nabob, more flattery in letter of asker.
Strong dose of oaths in refuser's answer.

(Ninthly.)

FROM "DEAR AND INTIMATE" TO A "DITTO DITTO."

_Brighton_.

MY DEAR TOM,--How are you, old fellow? Here I am, as happy as a prince;
that is, I should be if you were with me. You know when we first met! what
a time it was! do you remember? How the old times come back, and really
almost the same circumstances! Pray do you recollect I wanted one hundred
and fifty then? isn't it droll I do now? Send me your check, or bring it
yourself.

Ever yours.

FITZBROWN SMITH.

T. Tims, Esq.

(Tenthly.)

ANSWER FROM "THE DITTO DITTO" TO "THE DITTO DITTO."

OLD FELLOW,--Glad to hear you are so fresh! Give you joy--wish I was with
you, but can't come. Damn the last Derby--regularly stump'd--cleaned
out--and done Brown!--not a feather to fly with! Need I say how sorry I
am. Here's your health in Burgundy. Must make a raise for my Opera-box and
a new tilbury. Just lost my last fifty at French hazard.

Ever, your most devoted friend,

T. TIMS.

F. Smith, Esq.

* * * * *

THE BARBER OF STOCKS