When it was taken by the bailiff.
Than thou didst give I bring back less;
But hear the truth, without more dodging--
The landlord's been with a distress,
And positively cleared my lodging.

* * * * *

CONS. BY O CONNELL.

What English word expresses the Latin for cold?--"Jelly"-does (_Gelidus_).

Why is a blackleg called a sharper?--Because he's less blunt than other
men.

Why is a red-herring like a Mackintosh?--Because it keeps one _dry_ all
day.

* * * * *

PUNCH'S THEATRE.

OLD MAIDS.

_Sir Philip Brilliant_ is a gentleman of exquisite breeding--a man of
fashion, with a taste for finery, and somewhat of a fop. He reveals his
pretty figure to us, arrayed in all the glories of white and pink satins,
embellished with flaunting ribbons, and adorned with costly jewels. His
servant is performing the part of mirror, by explaining the beauties of
the dress, and trying to discover its faults: his researches for flaws are
unavailing, till his master promises him a crown if he can find one--nine
valets out of ten would make a misfit for half the money; and _Robert_
instantly pays a tribute to the title of the play by discovering a
_wrinkle_--equally an emblem of an "Old Maid" and an ill-fitting vest.
This incident shows us that _Sir Philip_ is an amateur in dress; but his
predilection is further developed by his exit, which is made to scold his
goldsmith for the careless setting of a lost diamond. The next scene takes
us to the other side of Temple-bar; in fact, upon Ludgate-hill. We are
inside the shop of the goldsmith, _Master Blount_, most likely the founder
of the firm now conducted by Messrs. Rundell and Bridge. He has two sons,
who, being brought up to the same trade, and always living together, are,
of course, eternally quarrelling. Both have a violent desire to cut the
shop; the younger for glory, ambition, and all that (after the fashion of
all city juveniles, who hate hard work), the elder for ease and elegance.
The papa and mamma have a slight altercation on the subject of their sons,
which happily, (for family quarrels seldom amuse third parties) is put an
end to by a second "shine," brought about by the entrance of _Sir Philip
Brilliant_, to make the threatened complaint about bad workmanship. The
younger and fiery _Thomas Blount_ resents some of _Sir P.B._'s expressions
to his father; this is followed by the usual _badinage