of wigs.

"We only make one kind," replies the wig-man, pityingly. "The Patent
Ventilating Anticalvitium. You'll find it as light as a feather,
almost. Made of superfine 'orse-'air." He says this as if he never
got his material from anything below the value of a Derby Winner.

"Why do you call it the Anticalvitium?" I ask.

"Because it don't make the 'air fall off, Sir, as all other wigs do."

Do they? Another objection to the profession. Wish I had known this
before I began to grind for the Bar Exam. Wig-man measures my head.

"Rather large size, Sir," he remarks. Says it as if I must have
water on the brain at the very least. "Middle Temple, I suppose?"--he
queries. Why? Somehow it would _sound_ more flattering if he had
supposed Inner Temple, instead of Middle. Wonder if I shall ever be
described as an "Outer barrister, of the Inner Temple, with Middling
abilities." Is there a special cut of face belonging to the Inner
Temple, another for the Middle (there _is_ a "middle cut" in salmon,
why not in the law?) and a third for Lincoln's Inn?

Find, while I am meditating these problems, that I have been "suited"
with a gown, also with a stock of ridiculous little linen flaps, which
are called "bands." Think about "forbidding the bands," but don't know
how to.

* * * * *

NOTE FOR THE NEW UNIONISM.

"Union is Strength." Let lovers of communion
Remember Strength (of language) is _not_ Union!

* * * * *

NEW DEFINITION OF A "FEATHER-BED FIGHTER."--A Boxer with gloves over
four ounces in weight. And anything over that, we suppose, must be
considered a "feather-weight." This gives a new significance to the
saying, "You might have knocked me down with a feather."

* * * * *

[Illustration: OUR M.P. MAKES A LITTLE TOUR IN IRELAND.]

* * * * *

[Illustration: MR. TYMS HIRED A MOUNT WITH THE STAGHOUNDS, BUT QUICKLY
CAME TO THE CONCLUSION THAT IT WAS A BRUTAL SHAME TO CHASE THE POOR
DEER UP AND DOWN THOSE HORRIBLE BANKS.]

* * * * *

A TALE OF THE TELEPHONE.

(_A STORY OF WHAT MAY HAPPEN SOME DAY IN GEORGE STREET, HANOVER
SQUARE._)

There were a few minutes unoccupied before the time appointed for the
ceremony, and so the Pew-opener thought he could not do better than
point out the many excellences of the church to the Bridegroom.

"You see, Sir," h