to his puppy state
of quivering misery. But for his inhospitable clamors he is
occasionally shut up in the telephone closet, a custom which he
considers

"More honour'd in the breach than the observance."

Released, he bounds toward us beseeching caresses and every assurance
that we have forgiven him and love him still. But he is just as ready
to bark at the next arrival, though the dread word CLOSET will
sometimes arrest a roar in mid-career. His sense of duty, as the
guardian of the house, is inextricably intertwisted with his desire to
be good.

Hamlet has, indeed, an uncharacteristic conviction of the preciousness
of property. He did not learn it from me. I resent the metal that
outlasts flesh and bone and am careless about locking doors since
against grief and death no bolts avail; but Hamlet, had destiny put him
in his proper place, would have ridden through life on top of an
express wagon, zealously guarding its packages from every thievish
touch. As it is, he keeps an embarrassing watch and ward on my desk and
bookcases. Often a seminar student, reaching for a volume that promises
to throw light on the discussion, is amazed by the leap of what had
seemed to be a slumbering collie, now all alert and vigilant, gently
nipping her sleeve to hold that arm of robbery back. Or in the midst of
committee toils, a guileless colleague may move toward my desk to make
a note. From the hall Hamlet dashes in with gleaming eyes and, as she
turns in astonishment, squeezes his yellow bulk between her and that
mysterious altar of my midnight devotion and firmly shoves her back.
These policeman ways of his are not universally endearing and, in
return, he has no faith whatever in the honesty of my associates,
"arrant knaves all." He has never put aside his dark suspicions of one
who is not only generosity itself, but a socialist to boot, because on
his first Christmas Eve in the Scarab she had been so kind as to act as
her own Santa Claus and take away her labeled packet from the pile of
tissue-papered and gay-ribboned gifts in a corner of the study.
Although I had noticed that the puppy made a point of lying down before
that heap, I did not realize that he, terrified and bashful as he then
was, had constituted himself its custodian, till this action of hers
left his soul "full of discord and dismay." Even yet he heralds her
approach with consternation:

"O shame! where is thy blush?"
"A most pernicious woman!"