t; and finding a very great
unwillingness in the men to part with their arms, at the same time not
having it in my power to pay them for the months of November and
December, I threatened severely, that every soldier, who should carry
away his firelock without leave, should never receive pay for those
months; yet so many have been carried off, partly by stealth, but
chiefly as condemned, that we have not at this time one hundred guns in
the stores, of all that have been taken in the prize ship and from the
soldiery, notwithstanding our regiments are not half complete. At the
same time I am told, and believe it, that to restrain the enlistment to
men with arms, you will get but few of the former, and still fewer of
the latter which would be good for anything.

"How to get furnished I know not. I have applied to this and the
neighboring colonies, but with what success time only can tell. The
reflection of my situation, and that of this army, produces many an
unhappy hour when all around me are wrapped in sleep. Few people know
the predicament we are in, on a thousand accounts; fewer still will
believe, if any disaster happens to these lines, from what cause it
flows. I have often thought how much happier I should have been, if,
instead of accepting the command under such circumstances, I had taken
my musket on my shoulder and entered the ranks, or, if I could have
justified the measure to posterity and my own conscience, had retired to
the back country, and lived in a wigwam. If I shall be able to rise
superior to these and many other difficulties, I shall most religiously
believe, that the finger of Providence is in it, to blind the eyes of
our enemies; for surely if we get well through this month, it must be
for want of their knowing the difficulties we labor under.

"Could I have foreseen the difficulties, which have come upon us; could
I have known, that such a backwardness would have been discovered among
the old soldiers to the service, all the generals on earth should not
have convinced me of the propriety of delaying an attack upon Boston
till this time."[146]

One more blow Washington was to receive, in the news of the failure of
the expedition against Quebec. This came to him on the 17th of January.
But from about that time, though very slowly, the prospect began to
brighten. His army strengthened, money was loaned him by Massachusetts,
and though early in February he reported that he had in camp two
thousand