or me.
Though I put my best foot foremost, and good time I try to keep,
To my chagrin, I often find a foot or two asleep.

Athletics I attempted, but, alas! I must admit
That every exercise I tried I put my foot in it.
I think I'll join a foot-ball team,--as many friends suggest,--
Before I've one foot in the grave and gout in all the rest.

But now I'll say good-morning; for, my friend, I have to stop
To get my boots blacked neatly at this little boot-black's shop;
And, as you may imagine, it will keep me here some time,
But, what is worse, I'll have to pay him many a hard-earned dime."

The Spider said good-morning, and pursued his way alone,
And as he went he murmured, in a thoughtful undertone:
"I'm a happy little Spider, and I'm very glad indeed,
That I was born an octoped and not a centipede!"

[Illustration]

The Smiling Shark

There was an old Shark with a smile
So broad you could see it a mile.
He said to his friends,
As he sewed up the ends,
"It was really too wide for the style."

[Illustration]

The Mercury's Plaint

[Illustration]

I don't know why I'm slandered so,
If I go high,--if I go low,--
There's always some one who will say,
"Just see that mercury to-day!"
And whether toward the top I crawl
Or down toward zero I may fall,
They always fret, and say that I
Am far too low or far too high.
Although I try with all my might,
I never seem to strike it right.
Now I admit it seems to me
They show great inconsistency.
But _they_ imply _I_ am to blame;
Of course that makes my anger flame,
And in a fiery fit of pique
I stay at ninety for a week.
Or sometimes in a dull despair,
I give them just a frigid stare;
And as upon their taunts I think
My spirits down to zero sink.
Mine is indeed a hopeless case;
To strive to please the human race!

[Illustration]

The Pirate Poodle

Once there was a Pirate Poodle,
And he sailed the briny seas
From the land of Yankee Doodle
Southward to the Caribbees.

[Illustration]

He would boast with tales outlandish,
Of his valor and renown;
And his cutlass he would brandish
With a fearful pirate frown.

So ferocious was his manner
All his crew looked on, aghast;
And his fearful pirate banner
Floated from his pirate mast.

He reiterated proudly
Naught had power to make him quail;
Yet when thunder roar