mposed_ it would have been to
have Rumtidumsky, or whatever his name was, for a step-grandfather!"

Ever thine, Blanche.

* * * * *

[Illustration: _Superb Chauffeur._ "There has been an _accident_,
m'lady."]

* * * * *

OUR OVERBRED RACERS.

[Illustration: _The Nightmare of an Anxious Owner._

"Flash-in-the-Pan" suddenly realises the enormous issues depending on
him and faints in his trainer's arms.]

* * * * *

PETER, A PEKINESE PUPPY.

Our Peter, who's famed as an eater of things,
Is a miniature dragon without any wings.
He can gallop or trot, he can amble or jog,
But he flies like a flash when he's after his prog:
And the slaves who adore him, whatever his mood,
Say that nothing is fleeter
Than Peter the eater,
Than Peter pursuing his food.

He considers the garden his absolute own:
It's the place where a digger can bury a bone.
Then he tests his pin-teeth on a pansy or rose,
Spreading ruin and petals wherever he goes;
And his mistress declares, when he's nibbled for hours,
That nothing is sweeter
Than Peter the eater,
The resolute eater of flowers.

Having finished his dinner he wheedles the cook,
Picks a coal from the scuttle or tackles a book,
Or devotes all his strength to a slipper or mat,
To the gnawing of this and the tearing of that:
_Faute de mieux_ takes a dress; and his mistress asserts
That there's nothing to beat her
Like Peter the eater,
Attached by his teeth to her skirts.

But at last he has supped, and the moment is come
When, his stretchable tum being tight as a drum,
He is meek and submissive, who once was so proud,
And he creeps to his basket and slumbers aloud.
And his mistress proclaims, as she tucks up his shawl,
That nothing is neater
Than Peter the eater,
Than Peter curled up in a ball,
Asleep and digesting it all.

R. C. L.

* * * * *

A BARGAIN IN FASHIONS.

Whatever may chance in the coming season
Regarding the fashions in women's wear,
I should like to remark that I see no reason
For treating the thing like a German scare;
Rather let us, the oppressed, restricted,
Assert ourselves as the women do;
It's _their_ turn, dash it! to feel afflicted
By seeing _us_ flaunt