STOMER. Then take it away!

THE BARBER. Oh, no, no, no! When I am through shaving you--not
before. Now take it easy, sir. Lie back quietly! Quietly! That's
it.

THE CUSTOMER. (_Controlling himself with an effort, and putting
his cigar in his mouth_) What are you going to do with me? What's
this? A hold-up?

THE BARBER. What am I-- (_With a sudden access of rage._) Take
that filthy thing out of your mouth! (_He snatches the cigar, and
throws it to the floor; continues obsequiously._) What am I going
to do with you, sir? Why, really, I haven't the slightest idea.
Er--can't you suggest something?

THE CUSTOMER. (_Quickly and earnestly_) Listen to me. I must be
at that meeting at once! I can't spare another minute. If I am
not there before three-fifteen I will be ruined--do you
understand me?--ruined!

THE BARBER. You needn't raise your voice, sir. My hearing is
excellent. (_He lathers again, keeping the razor near THE
CUSTOMER's throat._)

THE CUSTOMER. (_Piteously_) Can't I convince you? I

THE BARBER. Oh, I believe you. Don't let that trouble you. In
fact, I know all about the meeting. There's going to be an
auction, and unless you bid, it will be all up with you.

THE CUSTOMER. Then you'll let me go there?

THE BARBER. I'm afraid I won't, sir.

THE CUSTOMER. But--

THE BARBER. If I may use your own words, sir, I don't give a damn
about your meeting.

THE CUSTOMER. (_Angrily_) Who the devil do you think

THE BARBER. (_Interrupting him by running the lather brush into
his mouth_) Oh, shut up! (_There is a pause._)

THE CUSTOMER. I'll-I'll give you ten dollars to let me go.

THE BARBER. (_Acting as if he did not hear_) Beg pardon, sir?

THE CUSTOMER. (_Taking the scarf-pin from the edge of his vest._)
This scarf-pin--it's worth five hundred dollars--I'll give--

THE BARBER. (_Raises his hand to his ear, knocking the pin out of
THE CUSTOMER's hand_) I don't hear well on this side. Try the
other.

THE CUSTOMER. A thousand dollars! I'll give you a thousand
dollars!

THE BARBER. I'm afraid it won't do, sir. You see, the young lady
who runs the news stand up-stairs says--you won't interrupt me
_this_ time will you?--she says it's important to keep customers
in sight. There's nothing so bad for trade as an empty shop.

THE CUSTOMER. Oh, have you no heart? It's almost too late now!
Every second is worth a dollar to me!

THE BARBER. Well, sir, it will console you to know that my time
is worth very li