My brother is an
artist, and must, of course, have the handsome face."

He laughed again, and added:

"He will never be ashamed of his sister, I think, and never say 'Emily
did it,' even if she turns preacher."

Mr. Benton enquired--with his eyes--the meaning of those words.

I answered:

"Oh! Hal was forever shouting that in my earlier years at my many
mistakes, until I almost hated the sound of my own name, for I was
always doing the very things I tried not to, and I fear I have not
finished all yet. And I thought, for a little, of the wrong light in
which Mr. Benton held my strange talk with him.

I was each day more troubled regarding this, and especially so, since I
had no one to talk with about it. Clara I must not tell, and I had
resolved for her sake to be misunderstood indefinitely, for if I had
failed in one point, I had gained in another. The burden was lifted from
her, and she had told me the cloud was broken and she felt better, and
added the strange words, "It may yet come near me; it seems as if a
fringe of the cloud must yet touch me: but I am relieved for the
present."

I feared to worry my mother, who, during all these days, was very busy
and full of care. Aunt Hildy would hardly understand me, and as I was
waiting for something to move as it were, to make room for me to step, I
must still wait, and thought what a pity it was I had not waited in the
beginning, and then when I did move make all things plain. But then it
lay before me, around and within me, this strange compound of good
thought and impulsive will, and I must reach and fall until, ah! I could
not tell when I should graduate in this school.

I had now power to restrain myself in many ways, and that had been given
in the days before described, when I passed from girlhood to womanhood,
but to sit satisfied and wait, I could not yet do. It seemed as if the
wings of my thought must grow, and wanted to help me fly, and I was like
a bird longing to get into the freedom that waited, and like the bird
too, did not realize that my attempts would be in vain, and I could
never get out of the cage until a hand opened its door. Therefore, full
often I battled unwisely, but I certainly came to know those times, and
never made a mistake that I did not realize just a moment too late. How
foolish it was!

I prayed for strength, and after the baptism of Mr. Ballou's preaching,
I thought, "This will help to make me stronger; now I shall make fewer