had that wicked feeling that I have had so often, did you? that God
was cruel to send me trials and temptations worse than others have.'

'Yes, I had; I had very blasphemous thoughts, and I know that spirit of
rebellion must have made the worst part of your lot. You did not feel how
impossible it is for us to judge rightly of God's dealings, and you
opposed yourself to his will. But what do we know? We cannot foretell the
working of the smallest event in our own lot; how can we presume to judge
of things that are so much too high for us? There is nothing that becomes
us but entire submission, perfect resignation. As long as we set up our
own will and our own wisdom against God's, we make that wall between us
and his love which I have spoken of just now. But as soon as we lay
ourselves entirely at his feet, we have enough light given us to guide
our own steps; as the foot-soldier who hears nothing of the councils that
determine the course of the great battle he is in, hears plainly enough
the word of command which he must himself obey. I know, dear Mrs.
Dempster, I know it is hard--the hardest thing of all, perhaps--to flesh
and blood. But carry that difficulty to the Saviour along with all your
other sins and weaknesses, and ask him to pour into you a spirit of
submission. He enters into your struggles; he has drunk the cup of our
suffering to the dregs; he knows the hard wrestling it costs us to say,
"Not my will, but Thine be done."'

'Pray with me,' said Janet--'pray now that I may have light and
strength.'

Chapter 19

Before leaving Janet, Mr. Tryan urged her strongly to send for her
mother.

'Do not wound her,' he said, 'by shutting her out any longer from your
troubles. It is right that you should be with her.'

'Yes, I will send for her,' said Janet. 'But I would rather not go to my
mother's yet, because my husband is sure to think I am there, and he
might come and fetch me. I can't go back to him ... at least, not yet.
Ought I to go back to him?'

'No, certainly not, at present. Something should be done to secure you
from violence. Your mother, I think, should consult some confidential
friend, some man of character and experience, who might mediate between
you and your husband.'

'Yes, I will send for my mother directly. But I will stay here, with Mrs.
Pettifer, till something has been done. I want no one to know where I am,
except you. You will come again, will you not? you will not leave me to