t
frequently to despair, as it renders that resignation very
difficult, without which we cannot support the vicissitudes of life.

The prefect of Geneva had received no orders to refuse me my
passports for Paris, but I knew that the first consul had said in
the midst of his circle, that I would do well not to return; and he
was already in the habit, on subjects of this nature, of dictating
his pleasure in conversation, in order to prevent his being called
upon, by the anticipation of his orders. If he had in this manner
said, that such and such an individual ought to go and hang himself,
I believe that he would have been displeased, if the submissive
subject had not in obedience to the hint, bought a rope and prepared
the gallows. Another proof of his ill will to me, was the manner in
which the French journals criticized my romance of Delphine, which
appeared at this time; they thought proper to denounce it as
immoral, and the work which had received my father's approbation was
condemned by these courtier criticks. There might be found in that
book, that fire of youth, and ardour after happiness, which ten
years, and those years of suffering, have taught me to direct in
another manner. But my censors were not capable of feeling this sort
of error, and merely acted in obedience to that voice which ordered
them to pull to pieces the work of the father, prior to attacking
that of the daughter. In fact we heard from all quarters, that the
true reason of the first consul's anger, was this last work of my
father, in which the whole scaffolding of his monarchy was
delineated by anticipation. My father, and also my mother, during
her life-time, had both the same predilection for a Paris residence
that I had. I was extremely sorrowful at being separated from my
friends, and at being unable to give my children that taste for the
fine arts, which is acquired with difficulty in the country; and as
there was no positive prohibition of my return in the letter of the
consul Lebrun,* but merely some significant hints, I formed a
hundred projects of returning, and trying if the first consul, who
at that time was still tender of public opinion, would venture to
brave the murmurs which my banishment would not fail to excite. My
father, who condescended sometimes to reproach himself for being
partly the cause of spoiling my fortune, conceived the idea of going
himself to Paris, to speak to the first consul in my favor. I
confess, that at