fore-hand in the most profound
secrecy. On the eve of that day, my strength abandoned me entirely,
and for a moment I almost persuaded myself that such a degree of
terror as I felt could only proceed from the consciousness of
meditating a bad action. Sometimes I consulted all sort of presages
in the most foolish manner; at others, which was much wiser, I
interrogated my friends and myself on the morality of my resolution.
It appears to me that the part of resignation in all things may be
the most religious, and I am not surprised that pious men should
have gone so far as to feel a sort of scruple about resolutions
proceeding from free will. Necessity appears to bear a sort of
divine character, while man's resolution may be connected with his
pride. It is certain, however, that none of our faculties have been
given us in vain, and that of deciding for one's self has also its
use, On another side, all persons of mediocre intellect are
continually astonished that talent has different desires from
theirs. When it is successful, all the world might do the same; but
when it is productive of trouble, when it excites to stepping out of
the common track, these same people regard it no longer but as a
disease, and almost as a crime. I heard continually buzzing about me
the commonplaces with which the world suffers itself to be led: "Has
not she plenty of money? Can she not live well and sleep well in a
good house?" Some persons of a higher cast felt that I had not even
the certainty of my sad situation, and that it might get worse,
without ever getting better. But the atmosphere which surrounded me
counselled repose, because, for the last six months I had not been
assailed by any new persecution, and because men always believe that
what is, is what will be. It was in the midst of all these
dispiriting circumstances that I was called upon to take one of the
strongest resolutions which can occur in the private life of a
female. My servants, with the exception of two confidential persons,
were entirely ignorant of my secret; the greatest part of those who
visited me had not the least idea of it, and by a single action, I
was going to make an entire change in my own life and that of my
family. Torn to pieces by uncertainty, I wandered over the park of
Coppet; I seated myself in all the places where my father had been
accustomed to repose himself and contemplate nature; I regarded once
more these same beauties of water and verdure whi