[Illustration: A MISUNDERSTANDING.

_He._ "OH, IF I'D ONLY BEEN A 'BEAR'!"

_She._ "IF YOU HAD BEEN, YOU COULDN'T GROWL WORSE THAN YOU DO!"]

* * * * *

ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.

EXTRACTED FROM THE DIARY OF TOBY, M.P.

_House of Commons, Monday, May 23._--REDMOND, Junior, said really
funny thing just now. Rising to take part in resumed Debate on Irish
Local Government Bill, he announced in loud angry tone that it would
be waste of time to discuss a Bill the Government evidently did not
intend to press through this Session, and he for one would be no party
to such a farce. Then he went on to talk for half an hour.

[Illustration: "Joe!"]

Debate on the whole something better than last week's contribution.
O'BRIEN delivered himself of glowing denunciation full of felicitous
phrases, all got through in half an hour. CHAMBERLAIN followed;
has not yet got over startling novelty of his interposition in
Debate being welcomed by loud cheers from Conservatives; thinks
of old Aston-Park days, when the cheering was, as WEBSTER (not
Attorney-General) says, "on the other boot." Now, when JOSEPH gets
up to demolish his Brethren sitting near, Conservatives opposite
settle themselves down with the peculiar rustling motion with which
a congregation in crowded church or chapel arrange themselves to
listen to a favourite preacher. Pretty to watch them as CHAMBERLAIN
goes forward with his speech, delighting them with surprise to find
how much better is their position than they thought when it was
recommended or extolled from their own side. JOSEPH not nearly so
acrimonious to-night as sometimes. Still, as usual, his speech
chiefly directed to his former Brethren who sit attentive, thinking
occasionally with regret of the fatal shallowness of the pit, and
the absence of arrangement for hermetically sealing it. If only--But
that is another story. COURTNEY at end of Bench is thinking of still
another, which has the rare charm of being true. It befel at a quiet
dinner where JOSEPH, finding himself in contiguity with Chairman of
Committees, took opportunity of rebuking him for his alleged laxity
in repressing disorder.

[Illustration: The Fighting Colonel.]

"I should like to know," he asked, "whether, supposing I were to fire
a pistol across the House, you would call it a breach of order."

"I don't think, CHAMBERLAIN," said Prince ARTHUR, who was sitting at
the other side of the table, "that if yo