Bill came
into my office with a worried look. He confided to me the
well-known fact that his wife was nervous and unhappy.

"'The doctors don't do her any good, an' I thought I'd try a
lawyer,' said he.

"'Do you want to sue Fate for damages or indict her for malicious
persecution?' I asked.

"'Neither,' he said, 'but you know the laws of nature as well as
the laws of men. I appeal to you to tell me what law my wife has
broken, and how she can make amends.'

"'You surprise me,' I said. 'You an' the madame can have
everything you want, an' still you're unhappy.'

"'What can we have that you can't? You can eat as much, an' sleep
better, an' wear as many clothes, an' see an' hear as well as we
can.'

"'Ah, but in the matter of quality I'm way behind the flag, Bill.
You can wear cloth o' gold, an Russian sables, an' have champagne
an' terrapin every meal, an' fiddlers to play while ye eat it, an'
a brass band to march around the place with ye, an' splendid horses
to ride, an' dogs to roar on ahead an' attract the attention of the
populace. You can have a lot of bankrupt noblemen to rub an'
manicure an' adulate an' chiropodize ye, an' people who'd have to
laugh at your wit or look for another job, an' authors to read from
their own works--'

"Bill interrupted with a gentle protest: 'Soc, how comforting you
are!'

"'Well, if all that is losin' its charm, what's the matter with
travel?'

"'Don't talk to me about travel,' said Bill. 'We've worn ruts in
the earth now. Our feet have touched every land.'

"'How many meals do you eat a day?'

"'Three.'

"'Try six,' I suggested.

"He laughed, an' I thought I was makin' progress, so I kept on.

"'How many motor-cars have ye ?'

"'Four.'

"'Get eight,' I advised, as Bill put on the loud pedal. 'You've
got nineteen servants, I believe, try thirty-eight. You
have--twenty-one dogs--get forty-two. You can afford it.'

"'Come, be serious,' said Bill. 'Don't poke fun at me.'

"'Ah! but your wife must be able to prove that she has more dogs
an' horses an' servants an' motor-cars, an' that she eats more
meals in a day than any other woman in Connecticut. Then, maybe,
she'll be happy. You know it's a woman's ambition to excel.'

"'We have too many fool things now,' said Bill, mournfully. 'She's
had enough of them--God knows!'

"Something in Bill's manner made me sit up and stare at him.

"'Of course, you don't mean that she wants another husband!' I