good offices, once more, of my Friend.

"You find your great-grandfather a little slow, a little dull?" he said.
"Well, then, if you want brains, power, energy, why not call up some of
the spirits of the great men, some of the leading men, for instance, of
your great-grandfather's time?"

"You've said it!" I exclaimed. "I'll call up Napoleon Bonaparte."

I hurried to the agency.

"Is it possible," I asked, "for me to call up the Emperor Napoleon and
talk to him?"

Possible? Certainly. It appeared that nothing was easier. In the case
of Napoleon Bonaparte the nominal fee had to be ten dollars in place of
five; but it seemed to me that, if Great-grandfather cost five, Napoleon
Bonaparte at ten was cheapness itself.

"Will it take long to get him?" I asked anxiously.

"We'll send out a tracer for him right away," they said.

Like Great-grandfather, Napoleon was punctual. That I will say for him.
If in any way I think less of Napoleon Bonaparte now than I did, let
me at least admit that a more punctual, obliging, willing man I never
talked with.

He came in two minutes.

"He's on the line now," they said.

I took up the receiver, trembling.

"Hello!" I called. "Est-ce que c'est l'Empereur Napoleon a qui j'ai
l'honneur de parler?"

"How's that?" said Napoleon.

"Je demande si je suis en communication avec l'Empereur Napoleon--"

"Oh," said Napoleon, "that's all right; speak English."

"What!" I said in surprise. "You know English? I always thought you
couldn't speak a word of it."

He was silent for a minute. Then he said:

"I picked it up over here. It's all right. Go right ahead."

"Well," I continued, "I've always admired you so much, your wonderful
brain and genius, that I felt I wanted to speak to you and ask you how
you are."

"Happy," said Napoleon, "very happy."

"That's good," I said. "That's fine! And how is it out there? All bright
and beautiful, eh?"

"Very beautiful," said the Emperor.

"And just where are you?" I continued. "Somewhere out in the
Unspeakable, I suppose, eh?"

"Yes," he answered, "out here beyond."

"That's good," I said. "Pretty happy, eh?"

"Very happy," said Napoleon. "Tell everybody how happy I am."

"I know," I answered. "I'll tell them all. But just now I've a
particular thing to ask. We've got a big war on, pretty well the whole
world in it, and I thought perhaps a few pointers from a man like you--"

But at this point the attendant touched me on the s